try to understand me more, won't you?
i wouldn't wanna live the life that i used to, again.

i miss you.
:)

did i change?

we wished each other well.
once again, i am amazed by your nonchalance.
perhaps 2007 was the last time we saw each other.

look at the time now, it's even earlier than when i blogged when i am online at home!
yawns.


stupid shit.
i dreamt of someone sending me some sms..
goodness!

gonna retake my paper in July, exam in September.
perhaps i did blamed someone for being so irritating.
so.. the only alternative is that, for that someone, please do not contact me till my exams.




highly appreciated.
and i didnt mean to blame that someone.
given in my shoes.. will you feel the same way as i do?

i am fckingly depressed.
somewhat i do believe in karma..
perhaps when i swore that i shouldn't have met you, i shouldn't have went to meet you, seriously.




i have let my gf down, let kent down.
but i seriously hate that cb teacher.




i won't have the mood for anything for now.
I JUST WANNA GRADUATE.
fck.

give me a reason why i should NOT mock at you.
give me a reason why i should spare a thought for your pathetic feelings all these while.
give me a reason to retain my respect for you.
give me a reason to NOT feel disappointed.




JUST GIVE ME A REASON WHY AREN'T YOUR BRAINS IN PLACE?
you are turning twenty one this year.
you have been like that since sixteen.
i do not see any changes in you since then till now.
perhaps you're getting stupidier.. due to those clubbing mates or weirdo/fake players friends you mix with.
i only see you getting more desperado.
from wanting L to J.
you sleep around, it doesnt matter if you choose properly.
THEN AGAIN, YOU ARE TOO DESPERATE TO THINK OF THAT.
when lust overwhelms you.. you become a TOTAL oxymoron.







any idea of how i felt?
really any idea?
i bet you don't and won't even care.
IF you are just any of my fcked up friends, you can fck around for all i care, and get aids and die unglamourous.
but you used to be the closest to me, in the clique.
tons had happened but we were still pretty close TILL you seriously over crossed my boundary.






know what?
i kept telling myself years back to have stupid people surrounding me.
the first way is to avoid them....
the best way and last alternative is..
FCK THEM OUTTA MY LIFE.
i hope that you understand.
you amazed me so much when you said that you wasted your youth when she was at your age.
PLEASE THINK ABOUT NOW.
i just don't want to say that you wasted my precious time on you.
BUT PLEASE REFLECT.
really just reflect.






if i were to fck around again, i am selective.
i do not fck anyone as they come by.
not because i don't wish to get AIDS.
IT IS JUST MERELY COZ I HAVE MUCH MORE BRAINS THAN YOU AND I PUT THEM INTO GOOD USE.
lastly, it also shows that if there is a choice of being judged and judging, i will, most probably, be judging.
you won't understand.
you will never understand.







goodbye you bitch.
i seriously don't wish to hear from you again.
delete me off from everything if you want to.
i only want friends who love themselves.
only they know what is best for them and do not disgrace themselves.
stupidity is incurable.
this has always been my belief for the past few years.
disappointed and sad, it has been proven right on you.

"Mad"

Oooo oooo oooo
Oooo oooo ummm

She's staring at me, I'm sitting wondering what she's thinking
Ummm Nobody's talking, cause' talking just turns into screaming (Oooo)
And now yes I'm yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what's even worse, that we don't even remember why we're fighting

It's all for nothing (fighting for)
nothing, (crying for)
nothing, (oohh)

When we won't let it go for nothing, (come back for)
nothing,
it should be nothing
to a love like what we got oh baby

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed, mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)

Umm
and it gets me upset girl when you're constantly accusing
(asking questions like you already know)
hey we're fighting this war when both of us are losing
(this ain't the way that love is supposed to go, what happened to working it out?)
We fall into this place where you ain't backing down, and I ain't backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?

It's all for nothing (fighting for)
nothing, (crying for)
nothing... (oohh)

When we won't let it go for nothing,
nothing,
it should be nothing
to a love like what we got oh baby

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)

Oh baby this love ain't gone be perfect, (perfect perfect oh no)
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight long as everything is alright between us before we go to sleep...

Baby we're gonna be...

Yah.... Baby....

ohhhh....ohhhh

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo, nooo, noo)

8 april 2009;

i finally got the first qwerty phone in my whole holy almost 23 years of life!
okay, the contacts are screwed and thank god i do remember certain numbers..
hee.



meeting a new bunch of bitchers tomorrow!
and one of them seriously do irriates me so much that i feel like skinning him alive for good.



LOL.
shakes head.




long weekend and happy birthday to me!!!! (soon)
i miss a few.

i am back, late but better than never.
last night someone sent me an email, i replied.
obvious enough, that someone could not accept what i said about the friend part.
all in all, i have said all i needed and wanted to.
the rest is up to you.
but do remember that if ever a day i really wish to cut off contact with you, please note that this is the only alternative that is best for us..





when i needed a friend, the friend is there.
when the friend needs me, i hope to be there.
give and take.
i do not give overly; neither do i take in too much.
for friends who like me and i have no feelings for them, it'll be better for us NOT to be friends coz i don't wish to make use of that friendly unknowingly or knowingly.
ALSO, i have no wish to add on another sin onto my list of existing sins, afterall, i AM already a grave sinner.

topic of the day;


a friend with no strings attached, would you?
how do you view this question?


as tommorrow i will be having dinner with b, i might be blogging about it if i am online.

okay, mama is in hospital.
and for some reasons... i thought that she's working in ICA.
till today i got screwed.
work has been quite.. okay, very hectic.
but overall.
time flies.





happy birthday to me soon!
zzz..

BP paper was..
okay, put it simply.
GOD BLESS ME.

last night someone made me quite mad.
then again, i guessed that it was me who thinks too much..
i thought that the someone would get hurt by what i said.
seriously..
let things remain like that.




IF everything must be said out and then you'll stop your nonsense.
then i am afraid that i might seriously have to say it out.
my gf dont even draw on my hand when she is bored.
not to mention, any of my ex.
if such a simple thing and yet i have to say it out.
be it you are a person that will only stop your nonsense only after others have opened their mouths..
okay, i seriously got nothing to say.




for me, my words are irritating.
but i will not stop IF they deserved to be what i have described about them.
perhaps you won't get it now.
neither will you get it in future.
all in all.
whatever tiny little interest or what.
everything stops here and then.
as a friend or not.
the incident kept replaying on my mind.
EVEN MY FRIEND DO NOT DO THAT TO ME.





put it this way, we just have different moral values.
it is something like..
you are making use of someone just because that someone likes you. to me i seriously think that you're shit.
you only hang around with better people to show that you're better.
you do not hang out with stupid people to make yourself shine.
in this case, even if you are out with another group of BETTER people.
it will never make you shine.




kinda disappointing. for your age, your mentality doesn't fit.
remember why you kept asking me why you are single?
given your qualities, you can seriously get any girls you want.
but i've forgotten to add on that.
those girls will never last long with you.
you have the ability to make people stray from their partners..
at the same time, make your own gf stray away from you.
obviously, if your partner truly knows what she wants and she is not some type of shit as you.
hur...




above are just my seriously humble opinion.




three years back i had a friend who behaved like you.
this is not cute. this is crap.
three years later, i do not need someone who is like her and add more colours into my life.
after all, my life has been colourful before and is still colourful now, it's just another type of colour that i've been searching for.
for my age, i have found it.
lastly..
you won't ever be a threat to my partner and relationship anymore.






after all been said and done.
i won't be responsible towards you anymore.
put it crudely..
IF you see a need to disturb/flirt and be overly nice..
no one will be responsible if you get played out.

HELLO.
yes.. no doubt. i'm still awake.
it's gonna be the time that i wake up soon.
for the next few days it will be the time i go to bed.
I REALLY HATE EXAMS.



i met someone today.
i thought that it'll be better if i didn't meet her.
i guess that it's for the better.
she's just ain't my cup of tea.
i still prefer my cup of coffee.



i'm withering..
i am going to smoke (again)!

i browsed through my previous private blog. okay, i do type alot.
those were the phrases that described how i felt back then, when shit happens and all.
for some reasons, mama fell into the endless cycle of her past and she couldn't sleep but halfway thru the msg, she didnt replied so i reckoned that she died off too.





my humble point of view, it's always humans nature to look back (and regret) the past. dwelling in it ain't gonna do you any good.
let those past be glamorous or not, IT IS ALL IN THE PAST.
if you find that you were dumb in the past and you only realised it now, seriously, you ain't that dumb.
if you find that certain stupid people ain't worthy of keeping and NOW or last year they were already off your list.. it shows that you're still savable.





ultimate stupidity is incurable. it's a fact and it's been proven.
that is why they have entry requirements for schools like university and even polytechnics.
for me, i am stupid in maths, no doubt, but when it comes to other aspect. i don't think that i am, coz i did not get myself into alot of troubles then and now.




so... be glad of your past.
perhaps we hold different definitions and objectives. lastly, the way we handle things are different. all in all, what's past is past, you shouldn't even be thinking about it.
you're smarter than (we know who), so please, do not give me that feeling that at that point of time of deciding, you should have seen what comes after.





after all, life is a bitch, that comes with a package of shit.
okay, that rhymes, though i didn't mean it.





an abrupt farewell, i'm going back to rape my books.

jusqu'à l'aube, je vais vous tenir serré et de ne jamais vous laisser aller.

i wonder who will i really say this to.


for work.. i really hate idiots who sing.
IT'S LIKE HELLO I AM SO BUSY HERE THEN YOU WANT TO SING WHAT SONGS?!
i wish that uncle can just bang himself against the wall.
oh oh.
he is blissfully married.......
but he has a Vietnamese mistress.
SERIOUSLY.. WTF IS WRONG WITH SUCH PEOPLE.



stupidité est incurable; la réalité fait mal.
i reckoned that is how fragile humans can be.

today was a super duper busy day at work for me.
not forgetting, it was nic's wifey's big day!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!




okay, work was seriously so hectic till.. let's skip this part.
i ended work at almost 7, i was so smart to leave my umbrella in office and i needed to get it back.. it rained after lunch on my way back and if i dont get it back, it'll stink big time seriously.



imagine that i'm going to be away for almost a week.
so went back to get my dumbo umbrella.
met parents and we headed out to get dad's specs.




hungry and tired..
want to kill people.
but i managed to rush home and caught the last episode of the stupid show.

if anyone watch pefect cut 2..
seriously, kelly is a slut.
-.-''
if that guy wishes to give out his unfinished love..
IS IT A MUST TO TAKE IT?
god, such women deserved to be fcked till the end of the world by many guys.
perhaps by a guy who is AIDS positive.




SOMEONE, PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME.
you may say that it is just a show.
APPARENTLY, REALITY HURTS, IN THIS WORLD, YOU KNOW, WHOLE WIDE WORLD, THERE ARE JUST SUCH PEOPLE.




omfg.
can't blame me for being so.....
okay, forget it.