hope that everyone had a wonderful xmas.
mine was xmas, not really a merry one.



blink of eye, another year passed.
i gained and lost something.
good or bad, its up to me to decide.




insomnia. dont ask me why.
and recently i have been having this weird weird accent.



but joy said that i was still the same.
good and bad.
i learnt, i grew up.


AND YES.
BEING LOGICAL DOESNT MEAN THAT I AM ALWAYS RIGHT.
PLEASE FUCKING GET THAT CLEAR.

today is 14 November 2006.
pb turned 19 today!
Happy Birthday!!
be happy!!


Recently, i just joined this game.
it consists of several characters.
interesting, damn it. my old habit relapsed.

its been hectic fer everyone.

any new songs?

Watch my life,
Pass me by,
In the rear view mirror
Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Yeah...

[Chorus]
Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside,
Little by little,
No where to go,
But going out of my mind
In endless circles,
Running from my self until,
You gave me a reason for standing still

[Chorus]

It's falling faster,
Barely breathing,
Give me something,
To believe in
Tell me: It's not all in my head

Take what's left
Of this man
Make me whole
Once again

[Chorus]

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just running in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?
Just running in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?

anyone heard of this english song?


you can take whats left of me.
something something like that..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR DEAREST DINE DINE!
love love!
=D


and to my bitchers.
we love one another.
=)


thats more than enough.
self praise or whatsoever you like to call.



its been a nice week, though stressful..
it quite alot of realization..
not everyone knows.
but i got them figured out.

caught another sorta anit-christ and gross show.
i am NOT a religious person, but i have something to say about that show.
its alright to have a faith. (religiously)
but insane to be obsessed with it.



aye. really feel like puking after the show.
terrified, gross-ified, what else?




alot of things on my mind but unsorted.
hope that the day will come about sorting out my thoughts.



"deafening silence,
complexed inferiority.
unfathom-able mind.
political affiar.
dosage of the mixture,
its lethal."



hahahah. crappp.

i'll try to blog soon.
next item on my wishlist.


my fcking cable fer my fcking phone.
hahahahah.

i thought that work might be better as times goes by.
but i realised tons of stuff at work.
about work of course.
in case you didnt know.




work can affect someone alot, especially when they do take pride in their work.
other than that i'm pretty happy with everything.




and i feel like dying now.
hahahahahhaa.
perhaps i'll blog again soon.

im happy!!

i didnt wanna know abt them.
but glad that i did anyway.
queries in my head.
dont tell me to give you the benefit of the doubt.
i really wished that you didnt do this to me, if so there'll be a good chance that we can talk and all.




but right now, i think back.
i'm glad tht i am where i am today.
those "whys" lingering on my mind will vanish soon.
together with the disappointment.




this time round you really really did invade my privacy..

i hate fever!
been down with fever. it seems like a trend among us.
initially it was pb, then her swty.
then ME.


and let me share with you the joke of the day.
TWO nights back i was taking my med and the pill got stuck in my throat till now.
YES NOW.
how gross?
its dissolving slowly.
REAL SLOW.


and i'm at work now...

i had a fun weekend!!
FUN FUN FUN!
lets backtrack.

FRIDAY:
dinner with my bitchers + NIX. (nix is funny pls)
=D and my frd sorta got into trouble, so left them early..
but we had fun!!



SATURDAY:
STEAMBOAT with bitchers.
FIRST TIME and we definately have fun with our "OUCH!!"
marina to esplanade.
talked, and our sinful stuff..
3 bitchers. one was held up by her stuff..


SUNDAY:
XMEN!!!!!!!!!!!
OMF! its really funny, this particular scene.
I HAD FUN LAUGHING and i can practically hear only my own laughter.
zzz.
NEEDLES! and HUMANS VS MUTANTS.
HAHAHA!!
and i fcking fcking love the pics!
OMFFF!
and the pics are really nice (people said so)!
one of the bitcher said that FOUR of us look good?
its only the four of us.
nothing more, nothing less..
=) and i'm happy with the way things are now.

P/S: i love my bitchers!

i know that it sounds dumb. but indeed, its really whats sorta happening.
as i grow older. i realised more. let them be good or bad...
my words, any idea of what are those that i meant and what are those that i dont?
hahaha..




i am going home soon.
tired...


p/s: kendo anyone?

TONG4, upon listening to some songs.
coz there's a radio at my work place.
(looks at Donna)
wtf, nostalgic NOT.
good day everyone.


PS: THE GREAT SG SALES IS HERE!
(FATHERS' DAY IS COMING TOO!!!!!)

i believe that each of us have our own lives, even fer siblings.
so it sounds funny and selfish that we actually force our thoughts to people and want them to do things our way.
abt easily influenced.
its abt the mind part, abt the mentality part.
your frds can teach you something bad, but its up to you who decide if you shld learn.




regarding rs. ice and joey.
i just want them to be happy.
happy, though a lil screwed, but yet know what theyre doing.
thats all it matters.
and lastly, they wont get hurt.
but if they wanna allow themselves to get hurt.
there's nth to do abt it too.




eg: ice likes this ger who he shldnt like and majority/I of us sorta disapproved.
but he really likes her and decided to go fer her. what can we/I do or say?
i gotta put we/I coz not only i did say sth to ice, rmbered joey did too?
but apparently, i got misunderstood.
SO.. i shall take the WHOLE blame to myself.
but know something, i know what i'm doing.
i didnt FORCE and BRAINWASH my frds.
if my frds are easily brainwashed by me.
they'll be towards the others..
and i think thats hard fer me to be their frds.
so, its either, youre out, or i get out.



if making someone happy is a sin, then i take it in my stride.

i dont know why, but today as a whole was pretty tiring fer me..
tmr gonna have a talk abt career.
i dont know.
and recently tons of things happened.
and i'm still alright.
not dead.
but i guessed that i'm not gonna be alive fer long too.
knocking off soon.
..

damn. i'm feeling way too weird.
at work now..

I WANNA TELL THE WHOLE WORLD THAT THIS GUY AND THIS GER JUST GOT TGT FER 2 MTHS PLUS AND I JUST GOTTA KNOW ABT IT~!!
wtf.
asked me if im angry or what?
what am i angry fer?
when you told me that i meant alot to you as a friend then, i didnt take into consideration.
if i were to.
you wouldnt even be talking to me.




fer once..
to some zz out there.
stop being ironic.

finally managed to catch the quote from my frd.
"love does not discriminate, it embraces"
we talked about it.
found it quite. uh.. forget it.





ytd was on leave last min. guessed that i was really tired.
i was only away fer a day, blardy hell so many things fer me to do today!
SO YES HERE AM I.
=D

I AM STUCK AT WORK.. =(

my frd and i were talkin about love.
"love does not discriminate" then sth sth that i've forgotten.
but dont they know that, love doesnt teach you to blame people?
doesnt teach you to make the other guilty?
and make your sorry seems so worthless.





dont look back.
coz i never will.
tried looking back.
but you'll never know how i feel deep down.
with myself.

crazy thoughts. cynical surroundings.
i'm surviving it all.
one big motivation in life.
i dont really treasure that person.
my actions somehow made him disrespect me alot. i dont know.
he's one big demanding and unreasonable arse.
but his words are in a way, made me think alot..
alot.




in another word, i do respect him, but i dont really show it out.

well. great minds do think alike.
enough said.




its really a fcking major turn off.
get it? dont, then leave it.
its interesting when people tell me that they wanna catch up with me someday. but in fact i dont even talk to them much?
favours.
i ask and i return.
but sometimes, sth i just cant put down and ask fer favours.
so i die alone.
yes, ALONE.

THE DONTS IN MY LIFE.

firstly, do not ask me questions that you cant answer if i were to ask the same.
secondly, do not regret what you wanted from me after i've given you.
so
much fer the respect, so much fer the decision.
thirdly, do not ask me what
i want.
dont gimme shit like seeking whatsoever compromise and expect me to
forget what has happened?
DONT msg me and expect me to reply, after which,
play stupid fcking MIA games with me.

DONT try me.
dont rake up the past and asked me if this is the way i show my graditute after doing so much fer me?
money wise, yes, but did i ever run away before?
..
i'm NOT ashamed to type it out here.
but apart from all these materalistic favours, have you done anything fer me?
im not saying that i need my frds to be there fer me mentally. after all i'm pretty used to settling all these shit alone.
dont gimme a stand and after which change your stand abt being neutral.
dont stand so firm fer only days and after which gimme crappy+shitty reasons fer your doings.
dont ask me what do i want my frds to do.
and lastly, dont ask me why things turned out to be like that?




i WASNT the one who started it, continued it or what.
i'm just reacting the way i should be.
and please.
dont compare yourself with my guys (if youre).
its very different.
very very different.




still dont get it? sit down, think back abt the words, the stand and the reasons.
theyre all ironic, pure ironic.
thats enough to screw yourself up.
i wondered if the brains went up too high and went to the milky way.

i've decided to be super vulgar.
its just a ripped off anyway.


Listen up, listen up!
Here we go
It's a fucked up world
A fucked up place
Everybody's judged by their fucked up face
Fucked up dreams
Fucked up life
A fucked up kid
With a fucked up knife
Fucked up moms
And fucked up dads
It's a fucked up a cop
With a fucked up badge
Fucked up job
With fucked up pay
And a fucked up boss
Is a fucked up pain
Fucked up press
And fucked up lies
Well, Lethal's in the back
With the fact of the fires


Ain't it a shame that you can't say "Fuck"
Fuck's just a word
And it's all fucked up
Like a fucked up punk
With a fucked up mouth
A nine inch nail
I'll get knocked the fuck out
Fucked up aids
From fucked up sex
Fake ass titties
On a fucked up chest
We're all fucked up
So whatcha wanna do?
We fucked up me
And fucked up you

You wanna fuck me like an animal
You'd like to burn me on the inside
You like to think that I'm a perfect drug
Just know that nothing you do
Will bring you closer to me

Ain't life a bitch?
A fucked up bitch
A fucked up sore with a fucked up stitch
A fucked up head
Is a fucked up shame
Swinging on my nuts
Is a fucked up game
Jealousy filling up a fucked up mind
It's real fucked up
Like a fucked up crime
If I say "Fuck", two more times
That's forty six "Fucks" in this fucked up rhyme

YAY!
mentally detached, since when am i not?
always empty.
no big deal.

and the feelings surging.
thoughts lingering.
ironic actions.
i got caught in this whirling sensation.




omf.

nb, just now typed something and i dont know wtf i've pressed and everything's gone!
anyway, lets just summarise my long wk end..


`thurs was fun but seriously tiring
`friday out with my guys fer lunch and dinner and went home
`today the gers have their haircut, was resisting the urge to cut
`tmr movie! (its really been ages since i last caught a movie man)
`RUNNING LATER (finally!!!!)
`brand new week, finish up my shit
`somehow detest audit people but yeah zz




boring..
btw, days back i posted a bulletine coz my frd sorta wanna delete me if i dont.
she just wanna see how many people care. (uh.. yes. right. dumbbbb)
and so i posted.
using frdster fer coming THREE years, i've never posted any bulletine before..
and i did, coz of a frd. the context was something like asking another to cut and paste with the heading, "bye frdster.."
so i added this short text with the bulletine (i dowanna get deleted)
and i put the title as.. "bye frdster.. yawns"
i was thinking that people on my list aint that zz and zz enough to post that bulletine.
but i saw someone posted.
dno why, we dont really have MUCH common frds. but i feel dumb.
dumb fer that frd too. i know that the frd dont wish to get deleted..
then agn, think back, i dont really care who delete or add me.
(then agn, it depends, selective)
zzz.



the best way to spend a sat afternoon is to be in a salon and zzz the whole day away.
after which go fer a run, go home and die..
YES!

i must really complain about today.
last night insomnia. i forgot what time i slept.
TIRING.
today lunch with an idiot.
really he's an fcking idiot.
but cuteee!
LOL.
just got home not long ago, chatting with my swts.
someone said that she's gonna turn PL.
note; PL!!
AHAHAHAHA. tsktsk.
loveee you still man.




ANW BACK TO WORK.
fck! today was so busy with some client that i was so famished and my stomach was growling like SHIT. zzz office gossipers ought to die!
whats wrong with having lunch man?
zzzzz.
super turn off.
sigh.
im going off to have my dinner before it becomes supper.
miss my bitchers!

i lovee my bitchers.
hope that you've had fun.
and nope. you aint screwed.
be good!
much love.
wanna blog abt last night but..
decided not to.
hahahha.

my entries are very random.
one liner (according to a frd) mainly coz i got tons to write but i know that it wont be pleasing to everyone (or that minority lot) so its more like a theme.
hmm. if you get what im typing.



rmbered i used to attend church fer a period of time and got screwed by someone influencing.
"the truth is not out there, the truth is in your mind"

apparently, what that person is tryin to say is that, we dont go chasing something that doesnt exist, and thinking that it exists coz others say so.


and obviously, if you make a lie, be it a white lie not, it will become the truth if you keep thinking it is.
self psycho i guess. but if you cant even psycho yourself well, dont dream of psychoing the others.



i dont want to touch on this topic anymore. its getting quite annoying.
i'm heading to bed to meet my love.

self denial is the first step to self destruction not self acceptance.


very sure of it.

HI PEOPLE. i dont even know if there's anyone reading this fcked blog.
ANYWAY, i would like all my friends to participate.
its just a discussion.


the topic of the day is SANITY.
i'll post my thoughts soon, hopefully tonight.
right now i'm risking my life just to post this topic.
good day!

blogger's slow and fucked.
i wanna blog last night and i realised that it was like laggin to the max and it died suddenly.
so ive decided to post the entry dated today.
but guess wad i saw the entry INSIDE and i cant view.
hmm.. wtf man.
LOL.
let me finishing checking my stuff first.

how i spent my day;
morning till lunch time.
WORK. all the shitty documents.
yawns....
1-3.30pm.
MEETING AT TOA PAYOH. writing minutes and all.
double yawns.
3.30-6.30.
shitty documents.
brought my colleague fer a haircut.



YES.
and tons of happenings happened.
love went to extract her wisdom tooth.
SPENT LIKE 500++?
MADNESS.
roy msged me that he got this really cool book.
hmm.. (joey i must tell you abt it!! good stuff are meant to be shared!)
and another frd's having some problems with her rs.
hmm.
seems like everyone's screwed.
THANKFULLY im not.
whew..

lunch ytd. lunch and coffee today.
something tragic happened. but in another view, it should be a release fer the both.
but i would say that it's more of a release fer you.
seriously, it seems like you've even lost your rightfully rights to flare.
then tell me, whats the point of living?
if she can take it, so can you.
and know something?
you're not alone.
you've got US!!




i dont know abt your other friends but this is something cannot be compared.
yes. not with us with the rest of your friends.

JOEY!
zzz. sorry. so what? what am i supposed to do now??


i want to have coffee soon.
add ICE please.
LOL.

i'm sorry baby.
i cldnt stop yawning.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

yawns.
headache..

and only today i gotta know that my frd's blog got hacked.

think that we all need a getaway..

com'on get a life,
a life of your own.



didnt mom tell you to live fer yourself?
and not get blinded by fame or anything else.



the best part of a show is to watch the show without knowing that youre being watched.



Let me see if you can run it, run it
girl indeed I can run it, run it



run run run and i see you fall.
hahahahaha.

last night was fun and tiring.
managed to take some pics, bumped into an exclassmate.
saw a few that got me quite zzz.
was surprised that i was there.
like hello? she was once my frd and i went coz of some other reasons.
i'm unlike you guys.




disappear fer years and came back like angels.
angels, i'm sure.




sunday night a friend called and updated me on certain things.
i wasn't raging. but i just dont get it.
seriously, whats there to be zz about?
and i dont wish to get it anymore.




its a good ending last night. (though when andy talked to me, i feel so blardy fake)
the next big event of the year.
the birth of 'xxx' holy shit!
i mean, holy christ.
any names you want.




and i'm sorry aaronn fer being so rude but i swear that i saw nothing okay and i DONT MEAN IT.
RIGHT SWTS?
RIGHT.
=)

i've got tons of resolutions to edit!!

i know why i kept having that dream since young.
dreams were never real.
they were never fake either.

its pretty scary (fun at the same time) counting down to something that you dont really fancy.
then again, it might be a release after all..




i cldnt stop sneezing like the way i kept screaming in my mind.

"its more on the attitude towards me when she's with her friends.."
hey i dont even get to experience this.
know why?
coz the friends dont even know!




you wanna try underground affair?
on the par.
sometimes all these lacking factors.
it might seemed good to people who are not in my shoes.
then again, me, not in their shoes as well.
i dont know if i should considered myself lucky so as to have skipped that point and perhaps prevent tons of arguements.




if you have a choice, would you choose to be in ice's position?
or my blardy pathetic position.




he's human.
i'm human too.
why we've got such different routes?



this is just an overall view on wtfs is going on.
underneath, there're still other factors to contribute to the way i'm feeling, and perhaps the way he's feeling too.


do you have any idea?
i've got no idea.

ice;
someone reminds me of you.
glad that youre still alive.
ive got sucha boring life.
work, work and work.
friends..
lastly, i wonder how will you feel if youve not meet your ger fer 2-3 mths?
would you love her still or let her die with her sch work.
then again, your ger is in jc too isn't it?
why does she still have time fer you?
while on my side..



okay i shall stop.
its getting annoying.
today's a nice date to screw people.
agree?

3/4 of my voice is gone!

wk ends always seem short when you dont have time to rest.

there's something new in my family.
its huge (to me), and its bright.
glaring!!!!

im wondering about some stuff that i shouldnt.
i think that its redundant.
but..
cant help it.





are you still the one?
and another question.
am i still the one?


fer you..





those cramps are driving me insane.




OH AND HAPPY BDAY TO SOMEONE!
i msged you okay, dont say that i didnt coz i dont really remembering msging you last year. but i know that you did msged me..
sorry!!
but still.
love lah.
hahahahaha.
=D

have you taken your breakfast, lunch and dinner?






i bet you have.
good evening everyone.
have a good week ahead!





before i sold my soul away.

its how amazing one can drift off to sleep while reading a book in the library.
crazy sat.
walked alot. (look at my frd)
and.. fer once, ever since last yr sept, i thought that i saw something (someone) huge.
HUGE.
hugo.






this world is forever so sad isnt it?
just came across a profile and saw some pics that i shouldnt have seen..
i bet everyone out there in this world knows that jealousy is lethal.
it could not only ruin your mood and your feelings,
not only people surrounding you.
but lastly, it could ruin you as well.




just as i thought, just as i really thought so.

the two hammies.
with funny names given by the psychotic and sadistic owner.
but they're damn cute.
suggested enrolling them into the academy of AC.
but i got back response like..


'roasted rodents'.
hahahahaha.
cute tiny weeny beings.
ran outta my hand and fell to the ground.
stunned.
but at the same time was laughing my ass off.





tiring day..
eventfully.. not?






bumped into a couple of people today.
the positions offered were pretty cool.
but working in a sec sch reminds me of how violent kids can be nowadays....
messy shit.
option.. not.





update soon.
throat's sore.
sore throat.
zzzzzzzzz.

humid afternoon.
i miss that one.
;)
saw my xxx worth of wallet today.
my bday present!
and make sure you mark your words.
thanks a zillion.

daddy's a cool shit.
he drives me crazy with his funny fucking directions!!
riverWALK and he was at riverSIDE.
yeah though they're just opp each other.
but still, a fruitful meeting coz he bought his blardy cage fer his soon-to-be tortured hammies.
poor beings.



Challenger was cool.
tons of stuff sold.
i got lost in the varieties.
and there was this game which is very sadistic i swear, i flew the plane and i made it crashed.
must be the FD.




cool stuff hot shit!
i hate sore throat!
and i had some fried stuff today! brilliant.
sadly, i'm still surviving.






a conversation btw MR XXX and MR Interviewer.
laughs the hell outta me!
to those who know and "caught" the "episode".








and the Academy of AC reigns.
HAHAHAHAHA.

and i actually left out that part that i'm currently, presently quite deprived of something.
guessed it?
guessed it not?
doesnt matter.





*in search of you.
the presence deep down left, so near yet so far..

stuff i heard from my frd.
SEA WATER IS ACTUALLY GOOD?
hmm...
i didnt know that.
good fer the minority lot and its all in your mind.
all in your preferences..





and did i mention that susan is actually quite a 38 and highly annoying?
and i think that her nickname fer this year is actually:
ANONYmous. (should be ANNOYmous)




i'm not being dao or "cool" or whatsoever.
just appreciate it and worship you like i do fer my bed if you could just kindly ..
get off my back.





hmm..
they do make a great pair isnt it?
that irritating friend (fiend) and susan (who's fav no is 38).
thats sth new to perk me up fer a day or two!
=)
not exactly but i think peeps out there have their own sets of decisions and thoughts in their heart regarding the union.
HAHAHAHAHA.

i was waiting for the show..
waited till i finished my book.
zzzzzzzzz.
finally the show is here!!!!!!!!!!
just get those thoughts out before i get glued to the tv.




throughout there was a twinge of (i dont know how to explain but im sure that they're mixed feelings) within me.
as the flashbacks of the events brought me down to my memory lane...
oh.
i had fun reminiscing.
did you have your fun today too?





conversations in riddles had got me off to a standby mode.
and friends..
its not a necessity to conversate every single day.
and i believe that the bond alone is not based on such "intellectual" activity.
it your friendship is, i feel DAMN sad fer you.





and to the person who simply loves kissing the wall and perhaps occasionally (think its more frequently) emit the stupidity into the brains..
YOU CAN STOP ASKING IF I HAD CALLED MY FRD TODAY!
i have got a life.
NOTE. A LIFE!
and now youre telling me that i'm bored and youre asking me some CASUAL questions?
save it fer yourself.
guess that you gotta be enlisted into the list of casualities soon.
how about now?





oh and back to the random topic of riddle-like conversations.
highly intriguing but yet irritating if you simply dont abide by the rules..
and so the topic of today is..



NATIONAL PLAYER, ACADEMY OF THE ARTIFICIAL COMPLEXION.
get it? get it not?
a highly intriguing (quite moronic actually.. haha!) and i bet it'll leave you _____ once you grasp the content.





and fer sure, i'm definately OUT of that fucking academy.
a frd was attempting to join.
and a few bitches/jerks (basically humans) are already in it.





aint it funny?

i had a hungry afternoon.
hahahahah.

sometimes i am just so pretty deprived of the usual's company.
the moments shared.
the good and bad.
the laughter.
the tears? (???)
i dont know.





flashbacks of the moments.
i wished that i know how to quit them.





oh and to those who think that they're in the group.
they should gather up as a bunch and watch fd3 together.
and see how they're gonna dieeee.
that's so exciting!
=D

my phone supposedly but a new phone. (?!?!)
caught fd3, freaked out like shit.
first time and last time fer such shows.
ARGH.



towned.
its been long since i last towned.
thurs there to collect my phone.
sat met the usuals fer meals, but before that i got my haircut!!!!!!!!
like finally.




dozed off quite a bit when i was out.
zzz..




oh some peeps just gotta be so crazy that i gotta send them to an asylum.
yeah. and i forgot that those peeps might be reading this?



BUT seriously.. do you think that i ever give a fck abt them?
i dont think that they do and i dont care.

headache.
i got back my phone!

amazing..
=)

i dozed off while thinking about it.
i dont know.

asking me to think of a theme.
but all i could think of is you.

work work work.
i need to get a life soon.
zzzz.

i enjoyed myself ytd.
as a whole.

the way i see.
they're too interesting.



its been long since i last missed someone like that.
i miss my fcking phone that's in the hospital.
discharging soon!




tonight was great, with her and family..
=D didnt managed to talk much, and i was so in the mood to club but too tired so i crashed home.
hahahhaha.
THANKS ANYWAY!





its just another boring wk end.
somehow, somewhere.
somewhat.

luckily the com's alright.
two blows in two nights.
wtf..




i'm heading out soon.

PEI IS BACK!
=D
dinner soon i hope.



work is boring, never fail not to doze off during work.
made a few mistakes today. coz i kept dozing off.
zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
and he asked if i feel like sleeping.



DUH!
the bitch girl who loves gay stuff.
:D

happy VDAY!
happy BDAY!
happy FATHER'S DAY!




those people whom i talked to ytd should know what the FATHER'S DAY stands fer.
HAHAHAHA.





its just another day.

dumb.
just one word to describe it.

i'm at work now.
NO MSN SO I GO ONLINE TO BLOG.
hahaa.
i'm so tired.
think that my pile of ZZZ is killing me.
ACCOUNTS. (hear the screams of the innocent victims. lol)





going to lunch soon i hope.
the song CANDY SHOP kept playing on the fucking radio.
no life.
-.-'' just like my job now.
but its alright.




VDAY IS COMING.
dreading it.
somehow.
celebrate the love during the festive season of love. (zzzzzzzz sounds like xmas to me)
BUT WITH WHO?




bitch.
it must be the work thus i'm going crazy! (in fact i've already gone crazy. HAHA~)
going off.
try to blog, fuck, i mean FLOOD the blog later.

=D
HAPPY DAY!

stoneee.
tired.
heard it, seen it.


*joey, thanks. =)

silence of the night.
stillness of the air.
intact.
my feelings, they're still there?
but you know it when they're gone.



my friends are not a topic fer me to talk about.
even if i do, it'll be something of what we went through.



sounds funny? to me its not bitching.
i listen.
just used to it i guess.


bitch.

there's tons of things i wanna blog about.
alot alot.
regarding work,
regarding points of view.
abt on that sensitive topic,
its just mere thoughts.
no offences to anyone.
not targeting at anyone.





i always believe things happen fer a reason.
and somehow i do things with reasons too.
reasons, be them good or bad.





so.. right now, what am i supposed to do or say?

fate.. (even though what happened on friday night still make me speechless)
due to certain reasons i'm still not very into it.
i mean.
i dont know.

friends.
no mind games.
they drive me crazy and when i do.
i make sure that youre crazy with me too! zz.

work.
MON, blardy hell im so excited and enthu abt it! (not exactly but its better to start work soon.)

love.
wished that i have more things to say about this topic.
but it still remained the most condemned and forbidden topic to talk about in my life.
like what can i say about it seriously?
-looks at someone-



i'm done with my thoughts.
zzz.
next entry shall be something more constructive. (depends)
shall meet someone to talk and bitch (discuss actually) about it!
insomnia.
GOD DAMN IT.
saw a frd's nick.
chinGAY 06. (why purple? coz most gays love purple) *its different fer gers, tsk, i kinda love purple too.
bet there must be tons of gays.
LOL.

some people are just so..
yeeews.
just get off my back.



i really have nothing much to say.
and i've learnt not to care so much!

i do believe in fate sometimes.
there's this frd of mine, i wasnt't on good terms with him despite the fact that we were in the same class fer four whole holy years.
everytime we talked, we'll argue.
there was once he asked me to write autograph book, in sec one.
i did. but doesnt matter coz i shifted house in sec three.





sec three and four..
his existence is too noisy fer me NOT to deny.
together with a few moronic classmates, we became the condemned class of the yr in the school.
all these, just doesnt show anything, not yet.
it seems like he cant wait to grad and never see me again.
likewise fer me.
and so after we left..





went fer my class gathering fer the first time last year.
an exclassmate talked abt him to me,
i have heard stuff abt him.
never expect to see him, not again in this life.
after all what had happened in the past..






was out alone, till i met a frd.
planning to head to the library, we were walking.
WE SAW..
yl (a ger whom i see ONCE A YEAR, if not DONT SEE AT ALL)
and him!
STUNNED.
at the same time, kinda.. confused.
the kinda feelings that i used to feel, were gone.
no good nor bad feelings.
talked fer awhile, then went fer dinner, lastly k.
he must be thinking oh what a night.
after all he's heading back to brunei soon.
leaving tmr.
TSK.






SO GLAD that he's doing real well now.
we shall catch up again, (low profile if you want)
this mid year or next year.






i wondered if those guys are fine. (just guys)
2002, i'll never forget.
the good and bad times.
together with you guys.

i've tons to say about today.
that towards certain frds, i am making it clear that..
i cant be bothered.
you've seen it,
you've heard of it.
done it.
now.






what's left to say and do?
tell me?

i dont have much to say.

i've never block anyone and delete them off my list.
the most they'll be on my ignore list..
even if they're online or what.
i wont give a shit.
i got a surprise that someone talked to me on msn.
its been like.. 4yrs?
woah, this is madness.
but still, on my ignore list!
wahahaha.

uneventful evening.
somehow, not really.
how i missed those days...




when we sat there. it seems like the world was ours.
haha.
but now things have changed..
never see you so stressed up before.
just do according to your feelings.
=)
people can change overnight, some said its easy to know, some said that it was hard.
hmm..
i'm happy., not.

getting away!
bye.

never said never i was told.
but certain things are never fer sure.
i wished that i could done certain things,
i knew that i could but i didnt..






CRASH OVER, GET TOGETHER.
this cny is usual, but i felt happiest.
WE HAD FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
;)

never say never.

-
SIX person applied fer it..
THREE under consideration.
and my application is in process!




i tried to type something but ended up deleting them.
those scattered thoughts, they're just so hard to gather back.

i'm so tired.
TIRED.
but then again, who isnt?!




CNY will be here and over in a wink.
somehow. in a wink.

blah, what a big piles of bloody shit.
cny is coming!!

the tale is told.
the tale with no loophole, as you thought.
a fucking facade.
i'm so gonna tear it down.
right in your face.




fuck you bitch.

well, certain things we know it before you know it.
so apparently if you think that you're the world's most smartest FOOL.
YES you are.
there you go.
death upon your wish.
condemnation upon your mistake.
lastly, out you go.



certain things are meant to be left unsaid.
they're now, arent they?

hello world.
i'm infected by some virus.
HAHAHAHA.
i should just drink my cough syrup like water.

i miss you.
YOU YOU YOU!
as if anyone out there knows wtf i'm talking about.
=)

I still believe my feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough


okay, do i? (line one)
i do get screwed up by my feelings at times.
but, the reality will always be there to wake me up..



I miss you so much and I don't know what to say.
reality is realistic enough to wake anyone up on this earth.






everynight i'll paint a pic in my head before i sleep. about someone, about somethings..
somehow, a bloody picture that is quite sadistic.
and almost impossible. (a whole combination of the two parts)




Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?


sadly i dont somehow.. (line 2)
im not on the extreme side yet.
YET, somehow.
even if i'm upset, the sadness will go away swiftly.
so swift that it hurts..



2.4.6.8.12.
but why the thing is only 6 8 and 12?
hmm..

1/3/5/7/9.

OH.
- -

i'm finishing up the book?
last night i was so busy reading till.. i forgot wad time and i dozed off.
new furniture came today..
i'm gonna dedicate my wk ends to my books.
next week!





oh i wanted to blog something down, something amusing but i think that i've forgotten.
quite a no of things..
i dont like sneezing.
neither do i like coughing.
OR..
sore throat.



goodnight!
i shall go and hug my book to sleep tonight.
=)

fucking sore throat.
reached home and then i suddenly sneezed.
think that i'm down with flu. abit feverish also.
okay, i shall take this time to keep my cool.
alice is so nice i swear, she helped me keep a lookout fer my job thing.
was so freaking tired when i got home.
and i took a short nap.




why would i say that its SHORT, coz once again, some fucking moron called when i was just about to sleep.
i forgot if i rejected the call or i attempted to scream with my soundless voice.
but i remebered msging a moron.
moron's been asked to fuck off.
i sent that msg by the missed call thing.
and i sub-consciously happily deleted the sent items and the missed call.
so i dont know who's the lucky moron.




i think that i'll get some hate mails or msgs soon.
i dont really give a flying fuck about it.
flying fuck. (case one)
and some people's blogs are just so pathetic.
the fact is there,
no matter how you try to twist them..
you can never do it. (case two)





i dont give a flying SHIT/FUCK.
hahaha.

its the 19th!
i love this date.
=)

if you wanna know something.
ask and you'll be given.
if the person is nice enough..

my eyes are tired.
got home at 8plus, things happened.
(mentally plus the exhaustion)
he was trying to explain certain things to me.
and fer that few mins, my tears kept flowing..
fer that few mins, those emotions and agony were so hard to suppress.
so hard to contain within me and it went outta control.





a few mins later, i was trying to absorb the explanations.
it did worked, somehow.
and mom was nice.
since when she isnt?
fer that few mins, alot of things hit me HARD.
so hard that those tears were there fer that few mins.





fer that few mins, i hated this world, every single fucking shit thats in this universe.
someone mornic out there was very brainlessly bold enough to call me during that few mins.
i didnt pick up, but got back to that moron after awhile.
sparable if its something urgent but fuck it! it was something trivial.
OR SHOULD I SAY REDUNDANT?
waste of time...
then certain things happened to that brainless moron.
came to me, i typed whats on my mind.
i was given back the respond..



"WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO SARCASTIC? I THOUGHT THAT I CAN TURN TO YOU AND ASK FER ADVICE BUT YOURE ALWAYS SO SARCASTIC!"
(note, i rephrased it, apparently, that moron's english isnt perfect or should i say, its unreadable. about there)
fuck it, i'm unlike your frds (or rather some frds of mine back then), who'll say this to you..
"i'll always be here fer you" (but they should have added this part)
(when everything's over and fine)
does that make sense?
there i was just now, being there somehow, while doing my stuff.
but you pushed me away.
thats very cool.
i'm not agitated, sadly, moron's not of enough CHARM to piss me off badly.
mind games? i never like them and moron's not up to the position to play them with me.
i never like playing mind games, knowing me fer me, its dangerously sick when i play them.
i feel disgusted by myself too. (back then)





and i finally got my photocopies.
blessing.. one thing lesser off my mind.
my poor shrunk mind.
stonefish.
but a logical one.

you dont know,
its some kinda garbage.






i wouldnt know.
you dont get it.
just like the way i dont.





system shut down.
dead...

life's like this.
no matter how much we loathe being in this world,
still life goes on.
afterall, we're already here?
and to people out there who's of my age.
YOU STILL GOT A LONG WAY TO GO.
if you're killed by yourself, (your feelings, your ironic actions, etc etc)
and you died in your own inferiority..
i think that its amusing.
amazing at the same time. you can actually lost control of your thoughts.
certain thoughts and actions could be suppressed i thought.
i know that suppressing is not a good and ideal way, but still..
its acceptable to me, depending on the matter(s).






i wouldnt admit that fer the past few days i was having problems with my feelings.
the feelings were just so overwhelming that i feel like killing everyone but myself.
borrowed a book today, i forgot whats the title but its by anne rice.
lestat, he thinks that he's always right, despite his sins. (shan't elaborate)
i read up till there.




i thought alot somehow.
hmm..
still trying very hard to control my thoughts and feelings.
afterall i am logical.
especially when it comes to solving shit.
i wouldnt tell others what i dont normally do,
coz they're not proven to be possible.
i thought so.
i still believe in taking charge of the situation.
and the sudden change of line..
me, selling anything sell-able, makes me feel like i'm currently selling myself to my employer, just to fuckin get a new job.






strong sense of disapproval.
but yet, the strong urge to change my life.
the desperation to get outta this sales line.
people always tell me that;
ADMIN IS VERY EASY TO FIND, UNLIKE SALES/OTHERS.
like real!




angelia replied saying that she is sick of selling her life away.
but i ask, in this world, who is not a slave fer money and i dont know what and perhaps fame?
zzz.
i know that i dont belong to that lucky minority lot that can persue their interest as careers.
i belong to the majority lot who happens to slog fer money, fer a better living.
all these, i know it deep down. and i gotta accept them!
knowing what you want in life is just a way to live your life easier..
but then again, working too hard fer it, doesnt mean that you gotta acheive it through underground methods or even to the extent of selling your pride, dignity etc.
i dont know wtf i'm typing already.




too saturated.
but i have no wish to talk about heart affairs.
and certain things i want to get them done by the next few months.
and i would never wanna do things that make people or even myself lose every single bit of basic respect that mankind have fer each other.
fuckk.





if i'm sleeping, its time to wake up.
if i'm logical, its time to get things done.

i'm having fun editing my resume.
having fun asking people.
having fun talking to some people might be going through pms or i dont know what and down there having a major moodswing.
all of the above.
i have a friend who kept trying to contact me while i'm down there avoiding.
all of the above.
right, fer sure i'm having LOTSA FUN.
helluva fun.
HELL.




having tons of fun trying to be myself, but knowing me fer me, there's no escape that i will piss or irritate people.
but thinking back about the times when a thought was un-spared and i got back the same treatment?
pay-back time? i've got no time fer that. and no such mentality.
i'm gonna finish up and take a break.
off to my show.

sometimes i am too logical that everything else seems illogical to me.
certain things i've already done my best.
you might not know it.
but it could be seen, if you open your eyes big enough.






meeeeeeee fer me.
its a FUCKING MIRACLE MAN.
just like the perfume you know?
MIRACLE. by i dont know where or what.
outta point anyway.
its so fucking irritating..

you guys never know how i feel.
but at least a few bothered.
thats more than enough.
what could be more disappointing than the one you care most..
dont even fucking spare a thought fer you?
haha.
right?
yes. correct.



most.



go home and sleep.

When you talk (when you talk) does it seem like he's not
Even listening to a word you say?
That's okay babe, just tell me your problems
I'll try my best to kiss them all away
Does he leave (does he leave) when you need him the most?
Does his friends get all your time?



i am kinda addicted to this fucking song.
in a way or another..
i feel that way at times too. (line one and two. haha..)
when i talk, you dont seemed to be listening.
then whats the point of me talking?




Baby please
I'm on my knees
Praying for the day that you'll be mine



if only you're just mine and the rest doesnt matter a single shit at all.
IF ONLY MAN.




But my love is all I have to give
Without you I don't think I could live
I wish I could give the world to you
But love is all I have to give





i only have my pride and unwanted feelings and this thing called love.
not forgetting, a fucking heart of mine.





addicted.
addictive.
addicting.



i want a no life job.
coz apparently i have no life.
i wished that i really dont have a life.

i'm a dick, i'm addicted to you. - addicted.


WORKED TODAY.
went home, went to meet roy after that..
was planning to head home after a meal or something,
but nix called.
so met her as well.
three of us.




bugis, chinatown, home.
boring boring and i swear that my legs are breaking.
and my stomach...




think that i might need to go and see a doc soon.

I talk because I feel, and I talk to you because I want you to know how I feel.

My statements are requests.

My questions are statements.

My trivia is an invitation to be friends.

My arguments insist: I want you to show respect for me by agreeing with me. This is THE WAY I SAY IT IS.

And my criticism informs you: You hurt my feelings a minute ago.






nice one yeah?
i think so too.

I AM BACK TO WORK!
after one day of aching and etc.





lets fucking talk about work.
i was late, despite the fact that i slept early.
OUTTA POINT.
saw my new colleague.
and she smells of some perfume.
think that she sprayed too much.
let me intro my NEW colleague,
JOANNE.
married, with two kids.
quite a nice colleague.
fake laughter my boss said..
but i'm just too used to doing things ALONE.
though i can be grumpy about getting no help back then.
but things always seemed so much easier when i am doing them ALONE.





busy day at work, got quite fucked up but still alright..
and yes she asked fer my no.
CAN I NOT GIVE HER?
i cant. so there am i, having the first ZZZ name in my phonebook.
OMF.
yes. quite paranoid.. dont know why she seems pretty nice..
BUT YES i just get fucking turned off by myself.
anyone knows how i feel?
i hate myself, hate my feelings......





i used to hate bsb fer the past 19 yrs of my life..
i never like them no matter how nice their songs can be.
and yes one of my frds.. who used to be fucking close to me, loves bsb like fuck.
whenever she plays their song.
i will be like OH ITS THE backSIDE boys!
-.-''
never did i know that. 19yrs later, I ACUTALLY SUCCUMB TO LISTEN TO THEIR SONGS!
OMF.
think that i'm more emotional now.
my emotions.. in a way, more enriched by my surroundings and happenings,
in a way.. good, coz i'm just a fucking human after all.
in a way.. bad. i just dont like the changes in me.
MORE EMOTIONAL AND ALL.
meaning, will not be as impartial as before.
OH.





have you had any idea how much i just fucking hate myself?
i wont be surprised if you hate me too..
and i fear that you'll get someone new?
coz you'll find us stale, find me boring.
do you know all these?
and knowing that i wont get to see you often..
do you know how i really feel deep down..




the wound fucking hurts.
the wound i've inflicted on myself.
mentally.

HELLO!
i feel like blogging and it made me feel like i'm talking to the wall.
at times i really dont like yalam.

logical.

rx, i'm being logical. just that.. just let me be like that fer the time being.
i'm waking up.
or rather woke up.
HAHAHA.
and...


i dont fancy names like joy? vanessa, veronica, amy.
but..
i dont know.
i'm trying to be objective.
and i will be.
words cant describe how i feel.
and yes, dont care about how i feel.
fer now..

last night had a talk with yj brother.
he made me realised alot of things. in another word, i woke up.
yeah. and PLEASE DONT COMPARE ME WITH ALAN.
not that i'm disrespecting him but YES I dont need that long to wake up.
i'm NOT a late bloomer. never one.
and i'm LOGICAL.
sorta rebuking him with my BUTS and IFS. i find myself quite defensive and irritating too.
and if only i can talk to my brother like the way i talk to yj..
we talked about alot of things. alot till i find myself kinda way too ego.
i just dont wish to get stuck to my past.
my words, blunt but they're just to protect myself.
BUT my words are getting better throughout the years.
the words with my tone..
up till here, i wondered if anyone knows wtf i'm typing about.




i dont wish to get stuck.
like what you told me, i gotta be OBJECTIVE. seriously a new word i've learnt.
and apply..
ANYWAY, i realised why i feel so empty at work.
know why? coz i've got NO COLLEAGUE beside my boss.
i never doubt my capability in sales, not when there's competition.
and this month, i will prove to myself.




talking about competition.
i'm having a new colleague by the name of JOAN.
=D
i'm sure that i'll be able to get along WELL with you.
AND TREAT YOU NICE ENOUGH FER YOU TO STAY.
can imagine shaking your hand and telling you NOT TO WORRY AND YOU WILL HAVE FUN WORKING WITH ME.
i am a NICE colleague. i am always nice. HAHAHA.
29 and i'm 20.
we shall see.





since i'm planning to change my line, i am not supposed to compete with my future colleague.
BUT.. she happens to have a name that i dont fancy.
call me crazy, call me mad, sadistic. anything.
i dont care.
i'm sure JAN is gonna be an exciting and perhaps an unhappy month fer me.
but the end product is..
i want her to take the job. but never replace me.
i dont wish to be replaced and i CANT be replaced.
i made my stand clear to boss.
HAHAHA.





pride? ego? logic.
yes i am.
all along.
aries are more logical than the other signs. (according to him)
and right now i'm just feeling to egoistic and psychotic.
HAHAHA.
they're just too hard to surpress. and i dont see a need to surpress them, not when i'm having a new colleague that i'm gonna love. LOVE YEAH.





i can differentiate my feelings from reality, differentiate my feelings from what i want.
i know what am i feeling and i wont let them screw me up.
i dont wish to leave with a bad reputation.
but that doesnt mean that the competition is not there.
this is a challenge to me.
HAHAHA.




oh my dear o's math.. i'm giving you up, fer now.
i'll still be keeping the books and everything related.
and i'll be back to take you home (with nice grades), i'm sure that you'll still be there fer me to challenge. i will.. when i'm more emotionally balanced.
apparently i am not.
if you cant tell.
too bad.




i'm off to a path to where i should be. or im forced to be.
or.. fer the sake of my future.




the future is unpredictable.
as unpredictable as my fucking feelings.
HAHAHA.




i woke up just like that.
last night's talking and today's happening.
so fast, so cool, so hard, but i'm just trying to adapt.
its us who will have to learn to adapt the surroundings, not vice versa.
this is logical. to me.

2006.

its 2006..
a brand new year.
does it mean anything to you?
to hell with the new yr resolutions.
HAHAHA.




as i grow older.. i realised that i will think more.
more scenarios, more possibilities, and lastly, more feelings.
SERIOUSLY JUST FUCK THE FEELINGS MAN.
here i am.
feeling the same way all over again.




something i typed a day or two back..

ME;
long term r/s was NEVER on my agenda,
self proclaimed workaholic,
in fact,
i'm just trying to drown myself with work and earn more bucks,
so that i can pamper myself to fill up the emptiness..
and redundant feelings,
I KEPT WISHING THAT I COULD JUST FEEL LESSER.
lesser feelings, lesser thoughts.
lesser probabilities, lastly, lesser troubles.
troubles from my actions, fer my actions, root of all these shits..
MY FUCKING FEELINGS.


yeah. bottom line.
lesser feelings, lesser thoughts.
LASTLY, LESSER FEARS.
why? coz you'll never think of them.
the feelings and whatever that causes the FEARS.




and guess what? fer the past near TWENTY YEARS of my life.
i thought that i've been doing things in a logical way.
though i am just not academically inclined.
my thoughts, though fucked up, but i try to do things in a very logical way.
too logical that i can go bonkers.
BUT fer the year 2005.. got pretty screwed up, especially with my thoughts.
thus my actions. my words. my attitude.
they just make me appeared so.. ILLOGICAL.



and yeah, this year, i'm gonna be back the same old logical me.
HAHA.
new yr resolutions? NONO. fuck them, theyre just consoldolences fer yourself.
its time to sleep.