last night had a talk with yj brother.
he made me realised alot of things. in another word, i woke up.
yeah. and PLEASE DONT COMPARE ME WITH ALAN.
not that i'm disrespecting him but YES I dont need that long to wake up.
i'm NOT a late bloomer. never one.
and i'm LOGICAL.
sorta rebuking him with my BUTS and IFS. i find myself quite defensive and irritating too.
and if only i can talk to my brother like the way i talk to yj..
we talked about alot of things. alot till i find myself kinda way too ego.
i just dont wish to get stuck to my past.
my words, blunt but they're just to protect myself.
BUT my words are getting better throughout the years.
the words with my tone..
up till here, i wondered if anyone knows wtf i'm typing about.




i dont wish to get stuck.
like what you told me, i gotta be OBJECTIVE. seriously a new word i've learnt.
and apply..
ANYWAY, i realised why i feel so empty at work.
know why? coz i've got NO COLLEAGUE beside my boss.
i never doubt my capability in sales, not when there's competition.
and this month, i will prove to myself.




talking about competition.
i'm having a new colleague by the name of JOAN.
=D
i'm sure that i'll be able to get along WELL with you.
AND TREAT YOU NICE ENOUGH FER YOU TO STAY.
can imagine shaking your hand and telling you NOT TO WORRY AND YOU WILL HAVE FUN WORKING WITH ME.
i am a NICE colleague. i am always nice. HAHAHA.
29 and i'm 20.
we shall see.





since i'm planning to change my line, i am not supposed to compete with my future colleague.
BUT.. she happens to have a name that i dont fancy.
call me crazy, call me mad, sadistic. anything.
i dont care.
i'm sure JAN is gonna be an exciting and perhaps an unhappy month fer me.
but the end product is..
i want her to take the job. but never replace me.
i dont wish to be replaced and i CANT be replaced.
i made my stand clear to boss.
HAHAHA.





pride? ego? logic.
yes i am.
all along.
aries are more logical than the other signs. (according to him)
and right now i'm just feeling to egoistic and psychotic.
HAHAHA.
they're just too hard to surpress. and i dont see a need to surpress them, not when i'm having a new colleague that i'm gonna love. LOVE YEAH.





i can differentiate my feelings from reality, differentiate my feelings from what i want.
i know what am i feeling and i wont let them screw me up.
i dont wish to leave with a bad reputation.
but that doesnt mean that the competition is not there.
this is a challenge to me.
HAHAHA.




oh my dear o's math.. i'm giving you up, fer now.
i'll still be keeping the books and everything related.
and i'll be back to take you home (with nice grades), i'm sure that you'll still be there fer me to challenge. i will.. when i'm more emotionally balanced.
apparently i am not.
if you cant tell.
too bad.




i'm off to a path to where i should be. or im forced to be.
or.. fer the sake of my future.




the future is unpredictable.
as unpredictable as my fucking feelings.
HAHAHA.




i woke up just like that.
last night's talking and today's happening.
so fast, so cool, so hard, but i'm just trying to adapt.
its us who will have to learn to adapt the surroundings, not vice versa.
this is logical. to me.