AS PROMISED:-


Ms Berline Lim, you are the sweetest girl i ever came across.
not annoying and sweet.
i miss you tons too.
:)



p/s: can i call you my sweets? ;)

there is this new japanese show that was on tv last night.
seriously, it is just way damn nice...
ideal robotic bf, sounds cool, den again, he is just so.. completely beyond description!
omfg.

the most important quality in life is to be humble at all times.
if you can't even realise this and think that by taking a degree would make up this point.. sorry i don't understand.
I REALLY DON'T.




wow, so i ASSUME that the whole sg population would understand what is the difference btw SIM-RMIT and SIM solely?




since you very much wanted ME to say that you're so capable jus coz you're going to take your degree.
i have said it.




i can repeat many times, just to satisfy you.
and yes, i have to apologise that i only know of niche certification.
yes and they are not degree.
JUST PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATION.



snorts, i have never seen someone like you.
and to think that you can say that i'm clueless.
then again, i have always been.
thus, i have been happier.



conclusion is: those people having phD doesnt make me feel this way.
it's easier for them to have me saying, "yeah, i study lesser than you!"
i concede deafeat to them, willingly.

mama, i know that you hate daddy.
but all the more you should be damn fierce towards him.
what's his initial again?
LLWC.



sounds like London toilet.
okay, nevermind.



quite floating at work today.
and i seriously cant see a thing without my spec.
ARGH!




mind fcked at work isn't fun..
okay, that is never the point.




THE (FCKING) POINT IS THAT I MUST STUDY STUDY AND STUDY!
okay, try to chill a little.
PLAY TONIGHT?
maybe not.
i am tired, couldnt wake up for work today.

study, study, study.
STUDY.

last night met kinky at my place for dinner, followed by PLAY.
it was super boring but thank god for friends.
:)


though we hardly see each other but you know that deep down..
you matter.
:)




TGIF!

eh, since you love to see your name so much on my blog..
here you go.
Emily Goh,
STOP SENDING ME SUCH MMS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AT 3AM.
there are too many things i had wanted to ask, then again, it will just be a waste of my time.





i missed that entry coz i didnt know that it was referring to you.
SINCE YOU WANT IT SO MUCH TO BE REFERRING TO YOU..





yes, please..
stop flooding me with your nonsense.
thank you very much.
yes, when i said that i am happy for you that you have finally gotten a gf, i meant it, from the bottom of my heart.
yes, and bless that (un)lucky girl who somewhat needs to bear with your rubbish.
:)
dont sms me anymore.
what i need to say, i've said it in the last msg.
till then, i will pray hard for my next life.

my greatest weakness is the ability to say things that are extreme or overly prideful.
when i say that i do not wish to talk to you, officially.
i will do it.
even if years down the road, i might need your help in any aspect, my pride wouldn't let me to.




this is not false pride.
rather, trying to minimize the irony in me.




this is going out to my friends.
if ever a day you have the guts to say that you do not wish to talk to me ever again, please.. till your very last breath, DON'T.
coz i would not feel touched that you actually finally grew up and think.
i will just be filled with disgust and ultimately, condemn you (silently).
of coz, i won't curse you or what, but seriously..




OUT MEANS OUT.
don't understand?
www.dictionary.com or www.m-w.com will always be available anytime for your service, provided that you are able to get access to the Internet.




look, technology is so fcking advanced now.
should we try to do the same too?

i am very much sure that i did not fail my english.
as per your request, i went to read my archive and apparently i didnt see that sentence.
okay, perhaps sms, i do not know.
but seriously, please DO NOT put words into my mouth.
especially during NOW.





all in all, all these doesn't matter, i don't even know why the fck i went to read through my archive just because you told me to.
right, i just want a clear conscience.
apparently i've done it.





congrats to you.
it's a sad (okay maybe not) case that we just could not communicate anymore.





HERE I PROMISE YOU IN MY BLOG.
and i am writing your name out here, BIG.
Emily,
don't worry, no more irritating/hurtful words from me anymore.
:)
goodbye and take care.
perhaps i am in need of smart people in my life, now.
i'm not saying that you are dumb..
i rephrase.
i need more people who are lesser ironic (than me) in my life now.






over and done with.
move on.

you meet a person in one second;
you get to know a person in one minute;
you develop a liking for a person in one hour;
you fall in love with a person in one day.
if fate doesn't allow two persons to be together,
an entire lifetime will be needed to forget a person.







it's so ironic yet true isn't it.
honestly, how can something be so true yet ironic at the same time?




today, i met my long lost friend and vk.
went home after lunch, just right before i went out to meet gf, apparently, something f up happened.
right.




it took me great pains and effort to have it settled.
subconscious vs reality.
when everything seems so.. surreal.




certain individuals i couldn't forget.
friends.. etc etc. even family.
the main reason was not the love i have or had for them.
perhaps.. the main reason was that, deep down, was something that was always on (the back of) my mind, thus, i seriously, honestly, truly cannot bring myself to forget them.




then again, many reasons proven my point that human relationships are so screwed up..
yet the same time, so highly amazing.
i'm lost.




being speechless doesn't mean that i have accepted.
no revenge doesn't mean that i've forgotten.
perhaps, all these just meant that..
nonchalance is acting up, again.

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one



Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way



So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing



Chorus



Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me



Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

the weather's lethal.
it had caused many to fall sick, including yours truly.
started off with sore throat and cough..
thereafter, flu and fever.



a dosage of medicine.
just like the complexity of life.
yes, no doubt, i am still heading back to office tommorrow.



this will be a week of peace..
i still crave for thai food this sat.
afterall, it's gonna be a special day for us.



wanna die, now i just hope that the effect of medicine will come faster, so that i can knock out and die.

try to understand me more, won't you?
i wouldn't wanna live the life that i used to, again.

i miss you.
:)

did i change?

we wished each other well.
once again, i am amazed by your nonchalance.
perhaps 2007 was the last time we saw each other.

look at the time now, it's even earlier than when i blogged when i am online at home!
yawns.


stupid shit.
i dreamt of someone sending me some sms..
goodness!

gonna retake my paper in July, exam in September.
perhaps i did blamed someone for being so irritating.
so.. the only alternative is that, for that someone, please do not contact me till my exams.




highly appreciated.
and i didnt mean to blame that someone.
given in my shoes.. will you feel the same way as i do?

i am fckingly depressed.
somewhat i do believe in karma..
perhaps when i swore that i shouldn't have met you, i shouldn't have went to meet you, seriously.




i have let my gf down, let kent down.
but i seriously hate that cb teacher.




i won't have the mood for anything for now.
I JUST WANNA GRADUATE.
fck.

give me a reason why i should NOT mock at you.
give me a reason why i should spare a thought for your pathetic feelings all these while.
give me a reason to retain my respect for you.
give me a reason to NOT feel disappointed.




JUST GIVE ME A REASON WHY AREN'T YOUR BRAINS IN PLACE?
you are turning twenty one this year.
you have been like that since sixteen.
i do not see any changes in you since then till now.
perhaps you're getting stupidier.. due to those clubbing mates or weirdo/fake players friends you mix with.
i only see you getting more desperado.
from wanting L to J.
you sleep around, it doesnt matter if you choose properly.
THEN AGAIN, YOU ARE TOO DESPERATE TO THINK OF THAT.
when lust overwhelms you.. you become a TOTAL oxymoron.







any idea of how i felt?
really any idea?
i bet you don't and won't even care.
IF you are just any of my fcked up friends, you can fck around for all i care, and get aids and die unglamourous.
but you used to be the closest to me, in the clique.
tons had happened but we were still pretty close TILL you seriously over crossed my boundary.






know what?
i kept telling myself years back to have stupid people surrounding me.
the first way is to avoid them....
the best way and last alternative is..
FCK THEM OUTTA MY LIFE.
i hope that you understand.
you amazed me so much when you said that you wasted your youth when she was at your age.
PLEASE THINK ABOUT NOW.
i just don't want to say that you wasted my precious time on you.
BUT PLEASE REFLECT.
really just reflect.






if i were to fck around again, i am selective.
i do not fck anyone as they come by.
not because i don't wish to get AIDS.
IT IS JUST MERELY COZ I HAVE MUCH MORE BRAINS THAN YOU AND I PUT THEM INTO GOOD USE.
lastly, it also shows that if there is a choice of being judged and judging, i will, most probably, be judging.
you won't understand.
you will never understand.







goodbye you bitch.
i seriously don't wish to hear from you again.
delete me off from everything if you want to.
i only want friends who love themselves.
only they know what is best for them and do not disgrace themselves.
stupidity is incurable.
this has always been my belief for the past few years.
disappointed and sad, it has been proven right on you.

"Mad"

Oooo oooo oooo
Oooo oooo ummm

She's staring at me, I'm sitting wondering what she's thinking
Ummm Nobody's talking, cause' talking just turns into screaming (Oooo)
And now yes I'm yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what's even worse, that we don't even remember why we're fighting

It's all for nothing (fighting for)
nothing, (crying for)
nothing, (oohh)

When we won't let it go for nothing, (come back for)
nothing,
it should be nothing
to a love like what we got oh baby

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed, mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)

Umm
and it gets me upset girl when you're constantly accusing
(asking questions like you already know)
hey we're fighting this war when both of us are losing
(this ain't the way that love is supposed to go, what happened to working it out?)
We fall into this place where you ain't backing down, and I ain't backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?

It's all for nothing (fighting for)
nothing, (crying for)
nothing... (oohh)

When we won't let it go for nothing,
nothing,
it should be nothing
to a love like what we got oh baby

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)

Oh baby this love ain't gone be perfect, (perfect perfect oh no)
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight long as everything is alright between us before we go to sleep...

Baby we're gonna be...

Yah.... Baby....

ohhhh....ohhhh

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo, nooo, noo)

8 april 2009;

i finally got the first qwerty phone in my whole holy almost 23 years of life!
okay, the contacts are screwed and thank god i do remember certain numbers..
hee.



meeting a new bunch of bitchers tomorrow!
and one of them seriously do irriates me so much that i feel like skinning him alive for good.



LOL.
shakes head.




long weekend and happy birthday to me!!!! (soon)
i miss a few.

i am back, late but better than never.
last night someone sent me an email, i replied.
obvious enough, that someone could not accept what i said about the friend part.
all in all, i have said all i needed and wanted to.
the rest is up to you.
but do remember that if ever a day i really wish to cut off contact with you, please note that this is the only alternative that is best for us..





when i needed a friend, the friend is there.
when the friend needs me, i hope to be there.
give and take.
i do not give overly; neither do i take in too much.
for friends who like me and i have no feelings for them, it'll be better for us NOT to be friends coz i don't wish to make use of that friendly unknowingly or knowingly.
ALSO, i have no wish to add on another sin onto my list of existing sins, afterall, i AM already a grave sinner.

topic of the day;


a friend with no strings attached, would you?
how do you view this question?


as tommorrow i will be having dinner with b, i might be blogging about it if i am online.

okay, mama is in hospital.
and for some reasons... i thought that she's working in ICA.
till today i got screwed.
work has been quite.. okay, very hectic.
but overall.
time flies.





happy birthday to me soon!
zzz..

BP paper was..
okay, put it simply.
GOD BLESS ME.

last night someone made me quite mad.
then again, i guessed that it was me who thinks too much..
i thought that the someone would get hurt by what i said.
seriously..
let things remain like that.




IF everything must be said out and then you'll stop your nonsense.
then i am afraid that i might seriously have to say it out.
my gf dont even draw on my hand when she is bored.
not to mention, any of my ex.
if such a simple thing and yet i have to say it out.
be it you are a person that will only stop your nonsense only after others have opened their mouths..
okay, i seriously got nothing to say.




for me, my words are irritating.
but i will not stop IF they deserved to be what i have described about them.
perhaps you won't get it now.
neither will you get it in future.
all in all.
whatever tiny little interest or what.
everything stops here and then.
as a friend or not.
the incident kept replaying on my mind.
EVEN MY FRIEND DO NOT DO THAT TO ME.





put it this way, we just have different moral values.
it is something like..
you are making use of someone just because that someone likes you. to me i seriously think that you're shit.
you only hang around with better people to show that you're better.
you do not hang out with stupid people to make yourself shine.
in this case, even if you are out with another group of BETTER people.
it will never make you shine.




kinda disappointing. for your age, your mentality doesn't fit.
remember why you kept asking me why you are single?
given your qualities, you can seriously get any girls you want.
but i've forgotten to add on that.
those girls will never last long with you.
you have the ability to make people stray from their partners..
at the same time, make your own gf stray away from you.
obviously, if your partner truly knows what she wants and she is not some type of shit as you.
hur...




above are just my seriously humble opinion.




three years back i had a friend who behaved like you.
this is not cute. this is crap.
three years later, i do not need someone who is like her and add more colours into my life.
after all, my life has been colourful before and is still colourful now, it's just another type of colour that i've been searching for.
for my age, i have found it.
lastly..
you won't ever be a threat to my partner and relationship anymore.






after all been said and done.
i won't be responsible towards you anymore.
put it crudely..
IF you see a need to disturb/flirt and be overly nice..
no one will be responsible if you get played out.

HELLO.
yes.. no doubt. i'm still awake.
it's gonna be the time that i wake up soon.
for the next few days it will be the time i go to bed.
I REALLY HATE EXAMS.



i met someone today.
i thought that it'll be better if i didn't meet her.
i guess that it's for the better.
she's just ain't my cup of tea.
i still prefer my cup of coffee.



i'm withering..
i am going to smoke (again)!

i browsed through my previous private blog. okay, i do type alot.
those were the phrases that described how i felt back then, when shit happens and all.
for some reasons, mama fell into the endless cycle of her past and she couldn't sleep but halfway thru the msg, she didnt replied so i reckoned that she died off too.





my humble point of view, it's always humans nature to look back (and regret) the past. dwelling in it ain't gonna do you any good.
let those past be glamorous or not, IT IS ALL IN THE PAST.
if you find that you were dumb in the past and you only realised it now, seriously, you ain't that dumb.
if you find that certain stupid people ain't worthy of keeping and NOW or last year they were already off your list.. it shows that you're still savable.





ultimate stupidity is incurable. it's a fact and it's been proven.
that is why they have entry requirements for schools like university and even polytechnics.
for me, i am stupid in maths, no doubt, but when it comes to other aspect. i don't think that i am, coz i did not get myself into alot of troubles then and now.




so... be glad of your past.
perhaps we hold different definitions and objectives. lastly, the way we handle things are different. all in all, what's past is past, you shouldn't even be thinking about it.
you're smarter than (we know who), so please, do not give me that feeling that at that point of time of deciding, you should have seen what comes after.





after all, life is a bitch, that comes with a package of shit.
okay, that rhymes, though i didn't mean it.





an abrupt farewell, i'm going back to rape my books.

jusqu'à l'aube, je vais vous tenir serré et de ne jamais vous laisser aller.

i wonder who will i really say this to.


for work.. i really hate idiots who sing.
IT'S LIKE HELLO I AM SO BUSY HERE THEN YOU WANT TO SING WHAT SONGS?!
i wish that uncle can just bang himself against the wall.
oh oh.
he is blissfully married.......
but he has a Vietnamese mistress.
SERIOUSLY.. WTF IS WRONG WITH SUCH PEOPLE.



stupidité est incurable; la réalité fait mal.
i reckoned that is how fragile humans can be.

today was a super duper busy day at work for me.
not forgetting, it was nic's wifey's big day!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!




okay, work was seriously so hectic till.. let's skip this part.
i ended work at almost 7, i was so smart to leave my umbrella in office and i needed to get it back.. it rained after lunch on my way back and if i dont get it back, it'll stink big time seriously.



imagine that i'm going to be away for almost a week.
so went back to get my dumbo umbrella.
met parents and we headed out to get dad's specs.




hungry and tired..
want to kill people.
but i managed to rush home and caught the last episode of the stupid show.

if anyone watch pefect cut 2..
seriously, kelly is a slut.
-.-''
if that guy wishes to give out his unfinished love..
IS IT A MUST TO TAKE IT?
god, such women deserved to be fcked till the end of the world by many guys.
perhaps by a guy who is AIDS positive.




SOMEONE, PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME.
you may say that it is just a show.
APPARENTLY, REALITY HURTS, IN THIS WORLD, YOU KNOW, WHOLE WIDE WORLD, THERE ARE JUST SUCH PEOPLE.




omfg.
can't blame me for being so.....
okay, forget it.

getting lazier to blog...
here's a recap:


a week back, i met up with mama, kinky boy decided to abandon us for another guy.. tsk. unexpectedly, he was free much earlier. i think that mama was deprived of sleep, we met for lunch, after which, she went home to rest. the day before i met mama, i bought crystal bracelet and a crystal pendant for b and myself.



weekdays = work = tiring



today, was out in town, almost spent 400 on a nylon material Burberry bag.
i wondered when can i seriously learn to be more thrifty.
okay.. exams coming.
seriously need to eat those papers again.
bless me.

to a friend of mine:

perhaps you might not even get to see this.
but i just want to tell you this.
be strong, don't let a wimp bring you down, for you deserve so much better than IT.
if you need to be back to who you are, be so, coz end of the day, you just need to be accountable to yourself.



this is something that i used to share with my bitchers.
though they might be leading their own lives now and i had almost turned them to be players.
they were what others said to be:
majorly screwed.. but they know what they are doing.
they know of their worthiness.
lastly..
they are accountable to themselves.



lastly, be happy.
perhaps it might sound selfish to others, but as my friend, i hope for the best of you. if i have to choose for either one to be hurt, i would rather it be the one who is in the game with you.




life is full of shit.
don't be filled with it.
lastly.. i have said this many times before..
stupidity is incurable.



love,
xx

to err is human, to forgive divine.



it's sucha holy idiom.
apparently, it became a perfect idiom for idiots to abuse.



to err is human, but that doesnt give you a reason to err more.
this is going out to all those idiots who think that they are overly smart.
this is also going out to those fckers who think that they are god.



coz in my eyes, there is no human who can be god.
no matter how rich you are.. there will be a day whereby you will go home with the lord.
no offence to christians... but..



NO GOD, ONLY DOG IN MY LIFE.

okay, firstly, not much people can seriously really get on my nerves like that.
they are either overly-smart with overwhelming wits OR they do not even have the slightest and basic wits.
which is which, you decide.



i received a call on saturday afternoon, i missed it coz i was out, getting my food.
it was a call to ask me to meet.
from my vague memory, i recalled that perhaps out of 10 times, there were at least 5 times that i met that arse.



perhaps people might not know..
it has really been god know how long since i had family reunion with mama and kinky.
my side tons had happened and i was busy with work and school.
i know that they are busy too.
THAT IS WHY I GET EVEN MORE IRRITATED WHEN SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT SOMEONE CAN'T JOIN US LATER.




reason being:
let's call the either overly-smart or stupid friend A.
A knows this guy for a year but they have never meet. according to A, that guy owes A both present and movie and he is always too busy to meet A.



SIMPLE AS THAT.
i text A kinda late last night, i was confirming the time with mama.
okay.. this is what i got back.
A has always been known for being an emo kid.
no one could tell me about it, not even A him/herself.
i am NOT gonna disclose who A is.
it should be a piece of shit for people who know to guess it.



i text A this:-


you best.. for a guy, for a present. then again, it's you, so i got nothing to say. enjoy yourself and get ditched again.


A replied:-


he is not my type.. tsk tsk.. pls.. if he is my type i long ago meet him already right? sigh.



A, i don't know if you'll be reading this.
but if you were, let me tell you this..
i cannot ASSUME THAT YOU DON'T LIKE THIS NEW GUY.
you use your brains and think about it.
how many zillion guys you have liked before?
which of them you always said that you are serious with them?




and you seriously resemble of the stupidest girl that i used to know.
among all idiots, you chose to resemble her.
WTF.
this is not a sad case.
THIS IS DEFINITELY A HOPELESS CASE.

for many reasons.. i just cannot find a reason for human to be so stupid.
seriously.. i believe in human rights.
that includes blogging whatever the owner feels like.
as long as it ain't political or offends the government.



as long as no name is stated, it is not really aiming at that particular someone, unless that particular someone thinks that it's that person.



hmm..
okay, i'm trying to talk to myself nicely..
and mama was using her colourful adjectives nicely on the phone.
then again, there is only one such type of person that deserves her colourful adjectives.



needless to say, everyone knows who that person is.
tsk.
sad case.

to cousin, his wifey, AV and prince of VANITY,



i'm so sorry about the delay to link the great blogs of yours, know me for me, i'm just.. too lazy.. (mainly) and i'm very much busy with my new job and lastly, i'm contemplating if i should register a business under my name.



too much research for me to do.
family + gf + studies and now.. + a lot more things to do.




and yes kinky boy, i'm sorry for not being able to meet you and mama as well.
TGIF!
it's friday and i'll be having night classes later.
HOW NICE YEAH?

mama told me that the game is on.
sit back and relax.

till the break of dawn;
to me, ego trip is a trip of my ego taken alone.
it is being nonchalant and oblivious to everything surrounding me.
years back, i made this decision to try it once.
somewhat i got used to it. it moulded me into someone that i would not want to be.
years later, i blended back into the humane environment..
but it seriously do hurt.
especially when i got into troubles that i can't solve.



back then, there wasn't any problem that i couldn't solve.
i mean..
being me for me.
yours ever truly trouble getter;
i always get into other people troubles.
one prominent one is the ever oh so classic "friend" who is a mother of a child now.
if you get it, you get it.. if you don't. be glad.
for that few years, my life was on a highway.
it was a highway to hell.



2006-2007 first half of the year, my work was on a highway to hell.
busy, hectic, busy hectic.
second half, i was busy looking for a comfort zone.



i failed terribly.
floated.
floated.
floated.
floated.




now.. i am not lost.
but neither am i very happy.
perhaps once the feeling is lost, it can never be recovered.
it is just like love....
but love is different. if it is really love, it should not fade in the first place.
even if alot had happened, the love will still be there..





love is.. when i do not need to take an ego trip ever again.

too intense to verbalise.
someone please tell me about it.

well trouble strikes.
it comes as a whole.
sometimes they are just too much to take..

hello. text or call me soon.
we need to meet.
:)

i dont hate my work for now.. which is quite a big improvement.
however, there is still room for it.
i hate the people there.
especially that bitch, she's fcking political.




bitch, if i were to play.
it'll be MY game.
knowing me for me.
;)
try me.

fcking shit.
it's gonna be friday, finally!!!
work has been so hectic, whenever after i bathed, i have to pop in two pills.
zzz.

hey toytoy.
i wonder if you're reading this.
but please continue to help me feed this poor dying birdy.
and yes i miss you!!

my monday night.. after meeting my dearest kinky boy..




mama, as promised.
LOL.

overall i had a quite tiring weekend.
work is shit as usual.
any idea how much i really hate my job now?
if it ain't for the sake of money, man, i would have fcked the shit outta those motherfckas.
pcb.



SIGH.
life is a mofo bitch.
i really had enough of it.
this year, i don't expect much, but neither do i expect it to kick my arse.
ARGH.



let me die in peace.
but before that, let me die with glory.

it is sickening and yet amazing how things can changed overnight.
well, provided if the changes are good.
if they are bad..
apparently, they kill.
perhaps in my case, not for the one who is directly involved..
but the one who is involved with the parties.
if you get it, good for you.
if you don't.. too bad.



sorry to those friends whom i currently cannot afford to meet up.
coz things aren't in control yet.
i'm still trying my best to digest the fact.
it's a lifetime nightmare afterall we are talking about here.



and to you:

i love you through and through.
we'll go through this nightmare together..

i got no mood to blog.
not anymore.
too much things happened within such a short time.
give me some time to accept.

dearest Mama and Kinky boy



hereby wishing the both of you a VERY HAPPY PROSPEROUS CNY!
omfg. i will miss the nonsense from kinky boy and mama..
HAHAHAHAA.
miss me too and please don't kill me.
much love...


xoxo,
dotter

i am officially smitten over this sissy.
LOL.

CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY IS HE SO HOT.


Name: 이준기 / Lee Jun Ki (Gi) / Lee Joon Ki (Gi)
Profession: Actor, model and singer
Birthdate: 1982-Apr-17
Birthplace: Busan, South Korea
Height: 178cm
Weight: 66kg
Star sign: Aries
Blood type: B
Family: Younger sister
Talent agency: Mentor Entertainment
Education: Seoul Arts University (Acting major)
Hobbies: Martial arts (Tae Kwon Do 3rd degree, Hapkido 1st degree and Taekkyeon 1st degree) and watching movies
Languages: Korean, Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, and English
Debut: Model for clothing brand “So Basic” (2001)


TV Series

Iljimae (SBS, 2008)
Time Between Dog and Wolf (MBC, 2007)
101st Proposal (SBS, 2006, cameo)
My Girl (SBS, 2005)
Drama City, Ep. 234 “What Should I Do?” (KBS, 2004)
Star’s Echo (MBC/Fuji TV, 2004)
Nonstop 4 (MBC, 2003, guest)

Movies

Virgin Snow (2007 - Korea/Japan Co-production)
May 18 / Splendid Holiday (2007)
Fly Daddy Fly (2006)
The King and the Clown (2005)
Flying Boys (2004)
The Hotel Venus (2004 - Japan production)

Endorsements

Longliqi Shampoo
Pepsi
Spris
Giordano
Samsung Anycall
Vonin (Men’s Cosmetics)
Pomegranate
Lacvert Cosmetics
I-Audio
KFC Go-go
Su An Su (수앤수)
Kleenex
Chungkang College of Cultural Industries
So-Basic

Awards

2007 MBC Drama Awards: Excellence Acting Award for Time Between Dog and Wolf
2007 China Fashion Awards: South Korean Artist of the Year
27th Hawaii International Film Festival: Rising Star Award (2007)
10th Annual Shanghai International Film Festival: Overseas Star Award (2007)
2007 Andre Kim’s New and Superior Star Award
43rd Baeksang Art Awards: Popularity Award (2007)
27th Blue Dragon Film Awards: Best On-Screen Couple Award (with Gam Woo Seong) for “The King and the Clown” (2006)
27th Blue Dragon Film Awards: Popularity Award (with Kang Sung Yeon) for “The King and the Clown” (2006)
2006 MNET MKMF Awards: Music Video Award (”Grace Lee Soo Young”)
5th Korea Film Awards Best New Actor Award for The King and the Clown (2006)
43rd Daejong Film Festival: Most Popular Actor Overseas (2006)
43rd Daejong Film Festival: Most Popular Actor (2006)
43rd Daejong Film Festival: Best New Actor (2006)
42nd Baeksang Art Awards: Best Male Newcomer (2006)
42nd Baeksang Art Awards: Popularity Award (2006)
42nd Baeksang Art Awards: ‘In style’ Fashion Award (2006)
2006 Netizen’s Choice Awards: Best Male Newcomer
2006 Max Movie: Best Actor for “The King and the Clown”





last night was like the last episode of Iljimae.

OMFG. he's so hot till kinkyboy wanted to bang his bro in the show, and him as well.

i missed out certain episodes.

this is the second show about him..



this is the guy that kinkyboy likes.. LOL.
apparently he's much better looking in Iljimae...

his biodata:


Name: 박시후 / Park Shi Hoo
Real Name: 박평호 / Park Pyung Ho
Birthdate: 1978-Apr-03
Profession: Actor
Height: 182cm
Weight: 70kg
Star sign: Aquarius
Hobbies: Skin Scuba Diving, Health, Snowboarding


TV Series

Family’s Honor (SBS, 2008)
Iljimae (SBS, 2008)
How to Meet a Perfect Neighbor (SBS, 2007)
What Star Did You Come From (MBC, 2006)
Let’s Marry (MBC, 2005)
Delightful Girl Choon Hyang (KBS, 2005, cameo)

Trivia

He appeared in Gavy NJ’s MV “Happiness” and “그래도 살아가겠지”.
He appeared in Alex and Ji Sun’s MV “I love you” and “Very Heartbreaking Words”.

okay, you can see that he's older!
i still like my Iljimae!!

MY GIRL - 2005

the main actor in MY GIRL.

Name: 이동욱 / Lee Dong-wook
Profession: Actor
Date of birth: November 6, 1981
Height: 185cm
Weight: 78kg
Blood type: B
Education: Saejung University


TV Series

Bittersweet Life (MBC, 2008)
My Girl (SBS, 2005)
Hanoi Bride (SBS, 2005)
Precious Family (KBS2, 2004)
Island Village Teacher (SBS, 2004)
Wooden Horse Carousel (MBC, 2003)
Alcohol Land (SBS, 2003)
Loving You (KBS, 2002)
Live The Right Way (SBS, 2002)
Let’s Go (SBS, 2002)
Drama City “천국보다 기쁜 (Happier than Heaven)” (KBS, 2001)
A Dreaming Family (KBS, 2001)
Pure Heart (KBS, 2001)
School 3 (KBS1, 2000)
School 2

Movies

The Man Book 198 Pieces (2007)
The Perfect Couple (2007)
Arang (2006)



now, kinkyboy tell me, which guy is more capable of making people melt?
iljimae's bro or my girl's main actor?


I love Lee Joon Ki!! AHH!!

yesterday was Shokudo Japanese Pasta & Pizza for lunch with the managers..
today is Lerk Thai with 3 girls..
tomorrow is what? no idea what Elaine feels like having..
this week has been having good food.
thursday is my long awaited Ma Maison, with my own manager and senior.
omfg.
friday is with Elton!
this cny i need to cut down on my intake of food!
(which i bet that there won't be much good food at the place that i'm going to stay next week !@#$%^&)
time flies, it's already Tuesday.
faster be friday..
i'm so anxious to start my new job..

I AM SO MOFO SLEEPY!!

my 22nd birthday was spent with this bunch of sweeties..




drinking.. at PLAY.




hehe mama looks so mama here..




kinky and i at play!






I REALLY MISS THOSE DAYS. WHEN WE WERE SKINNER!!
those were the days..









ending off with a very cute pic of b (and i).

hehe.

okay, this is when i was still kinda boyish.

i know that i have the unisex face.. hahaha, dated 2004.

i miss this girl.

me and b.

my favourite bitchy mama.

lastly, it's the one and only.. kinky boy!

taken when we were all skinner.

muahahahha.

okay, what a busy weekend i had.
i painted my nails! after sparing them for a few months.
met kane in town with gf and lunch was at Crystal Jade.
i like the noodles except that it was kinda hard..
then i super love the roast duck!
okay, then gf went to far east to get her shoes.



and me.. feeling lazy and sleepy throughout the day.
yawns..
following which we went to get the bak gua and bought tons of junk food in chinatown.
i overslept today, coz i forgot that there's work today!
!@#$%^&*
okay, i worship myself.
cabbed to work, on the way, i swear that i saw someone that look like ct.
omfg.
zzz.
she was looking at me too.
!@#$%^&*
bitch. okay, counting down to my last day!
this month's pay will be like shit!
i am so looking to next month!


pictures up soon, hopefully..
i'm way too lazy.. HAHAHA.

i did a very brave thing today.
sleeping in class.
left class at 8.15pm.
went home for dinner and my show.
hahaha.
i didn't waste my friday afterall!

outta sudden, you came into my mind.
i got annoyed, coz i didn't expect that to happen.
my thoughts were with you for the past five minutes.
we will survive.
:)

met kinky boy for lunch yesterday, he was so sweet to come down and meet me coz he overslept the day before (the actual day he was supposed to go lunch with me) and we had yong toufu and bubble tea for lunch.
then he went to his friend's condo to swim and met me again, after my work, at chinatown.



i was supposed to meet Elsie..
we had tang yuan! (only kinky and i)
then Elsie and i went shopping! we bought nuts then today Elsie told me that we have bought the wrong kind. =/
HAHAHA.




okay, today is Friday and i am having class tonight.
zzz..

i am hungry, yet again!

recently, i am kinda depressed.
the stupid stomach flu is getting me.. making me lose my appetite and mood.
:( i get emotional more easily than how i was like years back.
wtf is happening to me!
then i've been reading those blogs.. of cancer patients.
i think that i can cry my lungs out.



on a lighter tone.
i slept for a few hours at work today!
this is seriously how bored i can get at work.
looking forward to a new life in feb.
on the other hand.
not really looking forward.
I DON'T KNOW?




i'm meeting Elsie later to go pasar malam.

i just don't get it why one can repeat so many times.
it's funny when you repeat it once.
it's just PURE ANNOYING if you do it the second or third time.
WHY?
coz you're repeating, especially if that thing you're repeating is actually offensive.
okay, you don't get it?
NOW YOU DO.





fcking cb.

basically..
as long as i show my face in office, no one really cares if i doze off/surf net in office.
this is how fcked up my work can be as of now.
kinky boy is going for interview at 3pm later.
tons of luck kinky!




mama is on course..
emily is busy with her work.
WHEN IS MY TURN?
:(




the irritation in office is getting me, seriously..
i'm like searching for jobs (when i already secured a new one) and rot my days away.
exams on 26 march 2009.
PERIOD.

:S when life gets too boring.
there are many nonsensical things that one might do.


including irritation in office.
:(
i need to get a life..

so sunday was spent freezing and rotting at home.
was out at chinatown for awhile.
it's cold when i took off the jacket..
it's hot when i put it on.
WTF.



supposed to meet mama but ended up with diarrhoea.
shit.



stupid sunday.
i'm lazy to blog..
i'm lazy to work.
i'm even lazy to go shop.




and oh yes, i don't fancy my ex classmates.
there's this particular girl.
when we were 16, she was like that.
NOW SHE IS STILL LIKE THAT.
JUST WTF IS WRONG WITH HER?!




mom kept telling me "heaven got eyes.."
so where exactly is heaven's eyes at?
someone tell me about it.

are human bonds that vulnerable?
it's like when they need you.. they tell you that you are the world.
when they dont need you.. they treat you like you are from the netherworld.
2005, i wrote this on a piece of paper, slipped it inside my old wallet..



"there are 3 things that i can never ever master.
1. chinese songs
2. mathematics
3. human relationships"



just as i thought that i could break the curse of item (3), things screwed up very badly.
i mentioned before that i hate players who play around.
i don't wish to lead the lifestyle that i used to lead.
like the song by Garbage, it's called Androgyny.
one of the verse goes something like that..
"why can't we just get along..."


part of the lyrics:

When everything is going wrong
And you can't see the point in going on
Nothing in life is set in stone
There's nothing that can't be turned around

Nobody wants to be alone
Everybody wants to love someone
Out of the tree go pick a plum
Why can't we all just get along?


tell me why will you?

5th Jan and 6th Jan

down with high fever.
wobbly legs, aching body..
how unlucky can i get?

out of my vision,
out of my league.
this game is mine to win.




i'm feeling like a mofo bitch now.
as always.

i spent my last few minutes of 2008 with b whilst crossing the road with gf.
-_-
before that, met up with kinky and mama.
lunch at Soup Spoon, rotted, walked, smoked, talked.
lastly.. WE WAITED FOR ALMOST AN HOUR FOR THIS IDIOT AND HER GF.
how annoying.
kinky was having the whirlpools, tornados and waterwaves kept taking turns to mess up his stomachs.




got home real late coz of that idiot.
bathed... went down to find b.
the moment i reached..
she asked me to help her do stuff.
as i wasn't wearing my specs, it actually made my eyesight blurred and i got stupidly highly annoyed by the blurring vision as well as the task she got me to help with. she continued giving me a totally fcked up face.
till the time she was released from work..
headed to TBP for supper..
then spent the last few minutes of 2008 with her, crossing the road back to my residential area.






and today's the second of January, which means.. it is exactly a week to school!
argh..



period.

goodbye 2008 in less than 24 hours.
hello 2009.
hell yeah, hope that it'll be a better year..
alot of drama in 2008.




i seriously don't wish to go through them again.
counting down to 1pm!!
omfg.




HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES~!!

it's 2 days to 2009.
so.. what are your resolutions this brand new year?


i've found something funny, so i thought that i'd just share:-


Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else. (HAHA NICE ONE)

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.




have a great week!

hehehe. i dont know if today's a good day or not.
apparently, i've gotten a stupid hate entry about me, and cant even spell my name properly.



there goes my patience.
it's show time.

i met brandon and vivian.
for some reason, i flared up at brandon.
was supposed to go down to drink last night.
reckoned that the news hit me late, thus now, i'm still feeling fcked.
seriously.. can anyone tell me why?




if life ain't as bad as what i went through when i was 17.
then why the fck?




okay, i'll stop my nonsense.
i still have the weekend to get over it.
i mean... to be happier.

i'm sorry, for not being able to be there for you when you needed someone.
i'm sorry, that i have to hear such a news thru others.
i'm sorry, for not being able to remain calm when i knew of what happened.


rest in peace is the only thing that i can say.
its only been 22 years and you are tired.


rest well and bon voyage.
i'll see you next life, you'll still be my friend.

work sucks.
but soon to be with better days.

about four hours more to a new environment.
i hope that everything turns out fine.

more and more political?
i hope not..
:(



i'm still in search of that perfect job.
i dont mind starting as assistant again.
i dont mind that low of a pay again, coz i know that such bad times wont last.
but.. i find myself changing.



i am to be said to be despicable, in a way, i can do anything to get what i want.
in a way, i'm proud of that.
in another way, i'm not.

its been a long long long and fcking tiring weekend.
work was usual.. but its the books and questions that are getting harder.
law.
omg.
and it made me feel so flawed.
:(




i try not to take MC for one month..
coz during the self apprasial thing, there was this stupid section stating,
"3. Managing Resources Utilises company’s assets (time, money, materials, people, IT, service functions, etc.) to accomplish work objectives"




obvious enough, i've been utilising my leave for my cursed exams since march 2008, June 2008, September 2008 and lastly for the lil' getaway in early October 2008.





i told myself that i wont further "utilise" my leave.
coz i still need it for my dec 2008 (this upcoming law paper) and for next year!
okay.
procrastinate again..




its like forever and ever, but in the end, never.
sounds good.




ah i seriously hate work.
back then was a totally different attitude.
goddamn.



lastly, its friday friday friday!
long weekend!

omg omg omg.
its FRIDAY!



but fck, i lost my goddamn biz law question papers.
WHOLE STACK!


nb!

man, i'm trying to self appraise.
its damn hard filling up the stupid form, like seriously.
i'm so very serious.

i miss, what i used to have.
the friends, the stuff but never the ex gfs.
okay, perhaps just that longest one.



its her birthday month.
on the day also marks the significant 11th month i have walked through with my partner.




when i was with her back then, on my current's birthday in August marks the siginificant 11th month with her.





is this pure coincidence or what?

dont really fancy gucci.
but........
i think that it looks the best among all skins for today.

i decided that the previous skin was too girly and fckingggg shit need to modify quite abit.




so i'm back to this purple skin..
AGAIN.

this is dumb.
saw a lovely hello kitty skin, and before this dumb template, i was attempting to modify some cannot-make-it burberry skin.



ah.. what a waste of time.
and i dread thursdays.



tomorrow is fullerton night!
finally.

everyone still alive?
its september.. soon.



so let's get some september loving..
:)

ELLO!
i'm like finally back.
i have abandoned this and shifted to another.
privacy matters to me after all.

i swear that my fcking brother (BE GLAD THAT I STILL CALL HIM BROTHER NB) is a bitch.
no wonder he calls himself a bitch too....



said that my room smells coz of the smoke? his room? without smoking, it smells nowhere better too!



i wont commit suicide, coz i still have yet to see them die infront of me, one by one.
=)

And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think Im kinda scared
Cos I dont want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
Its nothing to you


I might look through your stuff, for what I dont wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if youre all mine
Im a little paranoid, from what Ive been through
Dont know what you got yourself into

And I really really really care (and I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think Im kinda scared (but Im scared with every touch)
Cos I dont want to lose you (cos I dont want to lose you)
If you really really really care (if you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
Its nothing to you (its nothing to you, you)

hello.
no doubt about it, i'm gonna be single for a month soon.
=D
one month and counting.
i'm loving my single hood.
=D

current addiction..

i miss lee! his voice is damn powerful!

i didnt know that its been long since i last blogged.
i've gotten outta tht firm.
not the initial firm, but the later firm.
the nostalgia in me of the first firm decreased alot.



after some wonder woman told me that they cannot afford to hire me.
i was turned off, totally.
and the nostalgia dies off..



my dearest sl must have been busy.
my new workplace only have msn..



one way or another, i still miss those people.
excluding a few.......



bitch!

im so tired..

dont know whats wrong with me lately.


think that i finally got some nice advise from sunshine last night.
which is good.


there are times like that i will get lost.
someone to scold me and pull me back into the reality..

its been a week since i last left the firm.
been trying to get used to the new firm.
its my career afterall.
been listening to stupid and emotional songs. so.... alot of memories.
hahahha. talked to juliet last night.
i feel that we've both grown up. and i'm really happy.
;) keep in touch.



天空灰得像哭过
tian kong hui de xiang ku guo
The sky is so gray that it looks like it just cried

离开你以后
li kai ni yi hou
After leaving you

並沒有更自由
bing mei you geng zi you
I did not gain more freedom

酸酸的空氣
suan suan de kong qi
The sourness from the air

嗅出我们的距离
xiu chu wo men de ju li
Smelling out our distance

一幕锥心的结局
yi mu chui xin de jie ju
A scene of of heartbreaking ending

像呼吸般无法停息
xiang hu xi ban wu fa ting xi
Like breathing, unable to stop.

抽屉泛黄的日记
chou ti fan huang de ri ji
The yellowed diary in the drawer

榨乾了回憶
zha gan le hui yi
pressed dry our memories

那笑容是夏季
na xiao rong shi xia ji
That smile is summer


你我的过去
ni wo de guo qu
Our past

被順時針的忘记
bei shun shi zhen de wang ji
Has been forgotten as time goes by

缺氧过后的爱情
que yang guo hou de ai qing
A love that lacked oxygen.

粗心的眼泪是多余
cu xin de yan lei shi duo yu
Careless tears are unnecessary


我知道你我都没有错
wo zhi dao ni wo dou mei you cuo
I know that it is not your fault or mine.

只是忘了怎么退后
zhi shi wang le zen me tui hou
We just forgot how to step back

信誓旦旦给了承诺
xin shi dan dan gei le cheng nuo
We made promises to each other with confidence

却被时间扑了空
que bei shi jian pu le kong
Yet it has been emptied by time


我知道我们都没有错
wo zhi dao wo men dou mei you cuo
I know that it is not your fault or mine

只是放手会比较好过
zhi shi fang shou hui bi jiao hao guo
It's just that letting go would make things easier

最美的爱情回忆里待續
zui mei de ai qing hui yi li dai xu
The most beautiful love is to be continued in [my] memory




this song. rather overwhelming for me.
overwhelming. and my previous firm. my gawd. kill me.
previous firm, tons of memories.
colleagues, work, clients, and lastly my personal life.
certain people i'll think of too.


(if you happen to read this entry, this song is for you.)

its me its me.
guessed it.
sorry, i dont mean it.

sick;
mood hasn't been better too.
got quite fcked up by certain things.






perhaps its not you, perhaps its me.
certain things, certain people.
the thought of them turns me off.
dont know.
dont want to know.





i didnt want to feel the pain again too.
so.. dont.
let me feel it again.