I SERIOUSLY NEED TO STOP SPENDING!!
ARGHHHHHH

goodbye my friend.

i'm still an atheist.
ah.. but that doesn't mean that i am god.
neither do i wish to be..

i'm still an atheist.
ah.. but that doesn't mean that i am god.
neither do i wish to be..

wtf is wrong with me?
i actually forgot to bring my specs to work after lunch!!




now i only have myself to blame.
i am feeling so blind..

the med makes me feel so high.
it's as if like high high into the sky.
i mean.. it's really that kinda high.
like i'm on drugs.

stupid fb hangs my IE!!!!

how can someone be so hot?
anyway, national day is over.
my boss is feeling giddy (and lazy) so she is on mc today.

if i could, i would.
get it?
it's not that at times, or rather, most of the times i want to be a bitch.
just that life itself is already a bitch.



that's not an excuse.
it's similar to..
when life gets too exciting and you feel like snapping.
oh seriously, just fck it.

for some reasons.. i had dreamt of you for two consecutive nights.
the scene was familiar.. yet not.
and i woke up (almost) late for work!



did i mentioned that i have a cute looking colleague?
she is so cute (and not hot after i get to know her).
LOL.

oh braces.... here i come.
(okay maybe not now but soon..)

i dreamt of you the other night.
at times i can't help but think back...
did we really spent those times together before?
if so, why are those memories fading?

it is raining.
what a lovely weather to stay and sleep the whole day away, at my own comfort home.
then i saw a familiar name online..
itchy hand, i went to click.
and so we started talking..



you are one fcking busy woman.
and that is always something i hated about you.
six years ago, six years from then and six years later.
you are still forever giving me "excuses" or "reasons"..



maybe it is fated after all..
that we won't ever chance upon each other again.
goodbye.

it's been the third day and counting.
man, i really really really (fcking) HATE flu.
and please, stop your nonsense before i blow my top.
thank you very much.



kinky was so sweet to call me from KL.
boy, you're missed.
be back safe alright.



have a great weekend everyone.

hello.
i am back. on a saturday night, i was not out partying.
neither was i out having fun.




i am home.. after coffee with sweets and honey.
i finally got the tattoo that i had wanted.
the artist reversed the tattoo, which is what i wanted.
not exactly the same picture.. nevertheless, it turned out better.
:)



yes and my clothes got stained.
the tattoo was huge.
-.-'' i dont think that i will regret.





okay, going off. goodnight.

GRACE CHAN.
YOU ARE DAMN FCKED UP.
SO MANY SMART ARSE IN THE WORLD YOU DON'T MIX WITH, YOU FCKING MIX WITH A BITCH.
a bitch who thinks that she's pretty but fck it, she's just a pile of shit.
A BIG PILE OF SHIT.



yes, that fcking friend is another brainless one.
i will watch the fall of the regime of all morons where the area is stupidity concentrated.



fck you.
if any one of the two useless human beings is reading this.

work is.. seriously fcking boring.
when i say boring, i really meant it.
thus, the blunders.

ION ORCHARD IS OPENED!
let me correct myself.
only the LV shop in that building is opened.
not to mention, their business is even better than the one in Taka, as the QUEUE is considered exaggerating.




at times like this, where the recession has already hit, i wondered HOW did the singaporeans not only managed to survive but also managed to SPLURGE big time.




if you are a boss and you are recruiting, someone who came interview with a huge LV or prada bag, would you actually hire her?
especially the females..
i think perhaps not, coz they are rich enough to survive without a job.
okay, it's monday.





and yes, i bumped into a bitch in town, she called out to me and attempted to talk to me.
sadly, i just looked at her and said "i need to go".
the whole process wasted 3 seconds of my life.
please, you should know it when the other party is actually reluctant to talk to you.
if you dont, please please please do not have a second attempt..
basically, i do not entertain insignificant individuals.





thank you very much. hahahahaha.

here comes the mj craze again.
oh, Mr YIA visited.
haven't got a chance to say HI yet.
on the other hand, sweets is suspected with the swine flu.
she better stay home and dont be irresponsible please.




know why?
it's almost 800 cases already.
wtf?

"Knock You Down"
(feat. Kanye West, Ne-Yo)

[Keri Hilson:]
Heh... not again...
Oh... this ain't supposed to happen to me...

[Kanye West:]
Keep rockin', and keep knockin'
Whether you Louis Vouiton-ed up or Reebok-in'
You see the hate, that they're servin' on a platter
So what we gon' have - desert or disaster?

[Keri Hilson:]
I never thought I'd... be in love like this
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip
And you came in... and knocked me on my face
Feels like in I'm a race
But I... already won first place

I never thought I'd... fall for you as hard as I did
(As hard as I did, yeah)
You got me thinkin' about our life, house and kids (yeah)
Every morning I look at you and smile
Cause boy you came around and you knocked me down... knocked me down

[Chorus:]
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)

[Ne-Yo:]
I've never thought I
Would hear myself say (ooh)
Ya'll gon head
I think I'm gonna kick it with my girl today (Kick it with my girl today)
I used to be commander and chief
Of my pimp ship flyin' high (flyin' high)
Til I met this pretty little missle, that shot me out the sky (oh shot me out the sky)

(Hey) Till now I'm crashing, I don't know how it happened
But I know it feels so damn good
Said if I could go back, and make it happen faster
Don't you know I would baby if I could
Miss independent (oh, to the fullest), the load never to much, she helping me pull it
She shot the bullet that ended that life
I swear to you the pimp in me just died tonight

[Chorus:]
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)

[Kanye West:]
Tell me now can you make it past your caspers
So we can finally fly off into NASA
You was always the cheerleader of my dreams to
Seem to only date the head of football teams
And I was the class clown that, always kept you laughin'
We, were never meant to be baby we just happened
So please, don't mess up the trick... hey young world I'm the new slick rick
They say I move too quick, but we can't let the moment pass us
Let the hourglass pass right into ashes
Let the wind blow the ash right before my glasses
So I wrote this love letter right before my classes
How could a goddess have asked someone that's only average
For advice
O.M.G, you listen to that, bitch?
Whoa it's me
Baby this is tragic
Cause we had it, we was magic

I was flyin', now I'm crashin'
This is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson
Now I'm mad, real mad, Joe jackson
You should leave your boyfriend now, I'm a ask him

[Keri Hilson:]
So I gotta put the good with the bad, happy and the sad
So I'll bring a better future than I had in the past
Oh Cause, I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again
Whoaa, whoaaa
I'll admit it, I I was scared to answer loves call
Whoaa, whoaaa
And if it hits better make it worth the fall

(When it comes around)

[Chorus:]
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)

Won't see it coming when it happens
But when it happens you're gonna feel it, let me tell you now
You see when love come and knocks you down (oh)

Won't see it coming when it happens
But when it happens you're gonna feel it, let me tell you now
You see when love comes and knocks you down (yeah)

just as when i was watching videos, my dearest kinky called.
he was on the way to play and we were talking about something serious, it was almost comparable to talking about career.
anyway, he lost something, very much important and yes he is going to the police station NOW.





tsk.
shit happens.
but at least i know that he ain't one whom i will condemn.
okay, that old old video is old but is still nice.

someone once told me.
you can sleep with a person for ten over years but you will never be able to know the changes that person might develop.
let alone, the mind.




for the mind is something unpredictable and unfathomable overnight.
yes yes.

blogger was down?
ANYWAY. need to test it again.
here comes the testing..
Shit you shit you f you f you.




i dont seemed to understand you anymore.

zzz.

STUPIDITY IS INCURABLE.
I STARTED USING THIS WHEN I WAS GODDAMN YOUNG.
perhaps even before someone was born.
anyway, do not attempt to copy what i say, coz majority will know that it's me coz my words have been known for being crude and crude.


i came across someone.
i looked at the way she worked.
i wondered how did she managed to bring up her girl and boy.
going home on the dot.
playing "taiji" with the boss.



it's a matter of time before she gets kicked out anyway.




AND YES.
i received a sms from a friend.
"is your entry referring to her? she was pissed off yesterday."
"if your entry is NOT referring to her, tell her la."




certain facts, please get them straight.
perhaps i know people who are similar.
perhaps i know more shitty people than my friends, other than my (shitty) friends.
they may read my blog, they may not read my blog.
but all in all, the people that i have mentioned, for their irony in them is too great to deny the FACT that they are just.. indecisive and ironic.




and ironic do causes troubles.
how do i know it?
COZ I WAS LIKE THAT IN THE PAST.
PROUD to declare that this habit was gone before 21.
SO GENERALLY, i am saying, I repeat, GENERALLY,
if you are one of such character.
remember that the whole world has got the rights to say you, and you have already lost your rights when you started to f yourself.
not to mention, violence is never a solution.
it's just a state of deterioriating in your self-delusion condition.




i dont self-proclaim that i write well.
it's just a GENERAL remark that people will pass, when they know me, read my stuff.
i thought that after MJ's passing, there will be world peace..
apparently, not.

there is just one type of person i despise and condemn in this whole life of mine.



which is those that say and act till so real how they can "severe ties" with a particular friend.. but when shit happens, they'll still fall back to that particular person they condemn.




indecisive, weak minded, oxymoron.
the thought of such idiots irk me so much.
it's not about backbone and all.
just be more responsible in what you are saying.




those idiots should know who they are.
zz.
i wonder how long this self-delusion is gonna last for them.
I PITY THEM.

i had a nice weekend!
i hate the waiting period for my exams results..
oh damn it.

Bianca Mayorga<1991-2009>


though our friendship might be brief; it was coming one year.
nevertheless, it was great knowing you.
i was wondering why didn't you reply my text two weeks back.
i seriously didn't know that you were in so much pain.



i hope that you are in peace now..
rest in peace, Bianca.


love,
me

AS PROMISED:-


Ms Berline Lim, you are the sweetest girl i ever came across.
not annoying and sweet.
i miss you tons too.
:)



p/s: can i call you my sweets? ;)

there is this new japanese show that was on tv last night.
seriously, it is just way damn nice...
ideal robotic bf, sounds cool, den again, he is just so.. completely beyond description!
omfg.

the most important quality in life is to be humble at all times.
if you can't even realise this and think that by taking a degree would make up this point.. sorry i don't understand.
I REALLY DON'T.




wow, so i ASSUME that the whole sg population would understand what is the difference btw SIM-RMIT and SIM solely?




since you very much wanted ME to say that you're so capable jus coz you're going to take your degree.
i have said it.




i can repeat many times, just to satisfy you.
and yes, i have to apologise that i only know of niche certification.
yes and they are not degree.
JUST PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATION.



snorts, i have never seen someone like you.
and to think that you can say that i'm clueless.
then again, i have always been.
thus, i have been happier.



conclusion is: those people having phD doesnt make me feel this way.
it's easier for them to have me saying, "yeah, i study lesser than you!"
i concede deafeat to them, willingly.

mama, i know that you hate daddy.
but all the more you should be damn fierce towards him.
what's his initial again?
LLWC.



sounds like London toilet.
okay, nevermind.



quite floating at work today.
and i seriously cant see a thing without my spec.
ARGH!




mind fcked at work isn't fun..
okay, that is never the point.




THE (FCKING) POINT IS THAT I MUST STUDY STUDY AND STUDY!
okay, try to chill a little.
PLAY TONIGHT?
maybe not.
i am tired, couldnt wake up for work today.

study, study, study.
STUDY.

last night met kinky at my place for dinner, followed by PLAY.
it was super boring but thank god for friends.
:)


though we hardly see each other but you know that deep down..
you matter.
:)




TGIF!

eh, since you love to see your name so much on my blog..
here you go.
Emily Goh,
STOP SENDING ME SUCH MMS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AT 3AM.
there are too many things i had wanted to ask, then again, it will just be a waste of my time.





i missed that entry coz i didnt know that it was referring to you.
SINCE YOU WANT IT SO MUCH TO BE REFERRING TO YOU..





yes, please..
stop flooding me with your nonsense.
thank you very much.
yes, when i said that i am happy for you that you have finally gotten a gf, i meant it, from the bottom of my heart.
yes, and bless that (un)lucky girl who somewhat needs to bear with your rubbish.
:)
dont sms me anymore.
what i need to say, i've said it in the last msg.
till then, i will pray hard for my next life.

my greatest weakness is the ability to say things that are extreme or overly prideful.
when i say that i do not wish to talk to you, officially.
i will do it.
even if years down the road, i might need your help in any aspect, my pride wouldn't let me to.




this is not false pride.
rather, trying to minimize the irony in me.




this is going out to my friends.
if ever a day you have the guts to say that you do not wish to talk to me ever again, please.. till your very last breath, DON'T.
coz i would not feel touched that you actually finally grew up and think.
i will just be filled with disgust and ultimately, condemn you (silently).
of coz, i won't curse you or what, but seriously..




OUT MEANS OUT.
don't understand?
www.dictionary.com or www.m-w.com will always be available anytime for your service, provided that you are able to get access to the Internet.




look, technology is so fcking advanced now.
should we try to do the same too?

i am very much sure that i did not fail my english.
as per your request, i went to read my archive and apparently i didnt see that sentence.
okay, perhaps sms, i do not know.
but seriously, please DO NOT put words into my mouth.
especially during NOW.





all in all, all these doesn't matter, i don't even know why the fck i went to read through my archive just because you told me to.
right, i just want a clear conscience.
apparently i've done it.





congrats to you.
it's a sad (okay maybe not) case that we just could not communicate anymore.





HERE I PROMISE YOU IN MY BLOG.
and i am writing your name out here, BIG.
Emily,
don't worry, no more irritating/hurtful words from me anymore.
:)
goodbye and take care.
perhaps i am in need of smart people in my life, now.
i'm not saying that you are dumb..
i rephrase.
i need more people who are lesser ironic (than me) in my life now.






over and done with.
move on.

you meet a person in one second;
you get to know a person in one minute;
you develop a liking for a person in one hour;
you fall in love with a person in one day.
if fate doesn't allow two persons to be together,
an entire lifetime will be needed to forget a person.







it's so ironic yet true isn't it.
honestly, how can something be so true yet ironic at the same time?




today, i met my long lost friend and vk.
went home after lunch, just right before i went out to meet gf, apparently, something f up happened.
right.




it took me great pains and effort to have it settled.
subconscious vs reality.
when everything seems so.. surreal.




certain individuals i couldn't forget.
friends.. etc etc. even family.
the main reason was not the love i have or had for them.
perhaps.. the main reason was that, deep down, was something that was always on (the back of) my mind, thus, i seriously, honestly, truly cannot bring myself to forget them.




then again, many reasons proven my point that human relationships are so screwed up..
yet the same time, so highly amazing.
i'm lost.




being speechless doesn't mean that i have accepted.
no revenge doesn't mean that i've forgotten.
perhaps, all these just meant that..
nonchalance is acting up, again.

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one



Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way



So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing



Chorus



Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me



Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

the weather's lethal.
it had caused many to fall sick, including yours truly.
started off with sore throat and cough..
thereafter, flu and fever.



a dosage of medicine.
just like the complexity of life.
yes, no doubt, i am still heading back to office tommorrow.



this will be a week of peace..
i still crave for thai food this sat.
afterall, it's gonna be a special day for us.



wanna die, now i just hope that the effect of medicine will come faster, so that i can knock out and die.

try to understand me more, won't you?
i wouldn't wanna live the life that i used to, again.

i miss you.
:)

did i change?

we wished each other well.
once again, i am amazed by your nonchalance.
perhaps 2007 was the last time we saw each other.

look at the time now, it's even earlier than when i blogged when i am online at home!
yawns.


stupid shit.
i dreamt of someone sending me some sms..
goodness!

gonna retake my paper in July, exam in September.
perhaps i did blamed someone for being so irritating.
so.. the only alternative is that, for that someone, please do not contact me till my exams.




highly appreciated.
and i didnt mean to blame that someone.
given in my shoes.. will you feel the same way as i do?

i am fckingly depressed.
somewhat i do believe in karma..
perhaps when i swore that i shouldn't have met you, i shouldn't have went to meet you, seriously.




i have let my gf down, let kent down.
but i seriously hate that cb teacher.




i won't have the mood for anything for now.
I JUST WANNA GRADUATE.
fck.

give me a reason why i should NOT mock at you.
give me a reason why i should spare a thought for your pathetic feelings all these while.
give me a reason to retain my respect for you.
give me a reason to NOT feel disappointed.




JUST GIVE ME A REASON WHY AREN'T YOUR BRAINS IN PLACE?
you are turning twenty one this year.
you have been like that since sixteen.
i do not see any changes in you since then till now.
perhaps you're getting stupidier.. due to those clubbing mates or weirdo/fake players friends you mix with.
i only see you getting more desperado.
from wanting L to J.
you sleep around, it doesnt matter if you choose properly.
THEN AGAIN, YOU ARE TOO DESPERATE TO THINK OF THAT.
when lust overwhelms you.. you become a TOTAL oxymoron.







any idea of how i felt?
really any idea?
i bet you don't and won't even care.
IF you are just any of my fcked up friends, you can fck around for all i care, and get aids and die unglamourous.
but you used to be the closest to me, in the clique.
tons had happened but we were still pretty close TILL you seriously over crossed my boundary.






know what?
i kept telling myself years back to have stupid people surrounding me.
the first way is to avoid them....
the best way and last alternative is..
FCK THEM OUTTA MY LIFE.
i hope that you understand.
you amazed me so much when you said that you wasted your youth when she was at your age.
PLEASE THINK ABOUT NOW.
i just don't want to say that you wasted my precious time on you.
BUT PLEASE REFLECT.
really just reflect.






if i were to fck around again, i am selective.
i do not fck anyone as they come by.
not because i don't wish to get AIDS.
IT IS JUST MERELY COZ I HAVE MUCH MORE BRAINS THAN YOU AND I PUT THEM INTO GOOD USE.
lastly, it also shows that if there is a choice of being judged and judging, i will, most probably, be judging.
you won't understand.
you will never understand.







goodbye you bitch.
i seriously don't wish to hear from you again.
delete me off from everything if you want to.
i only want friends who love themselves.
only they know what is best for them and do not disgrace themselves.
stupidity is incurable.
this has always been my belief for the past few years.
disappointed and sad, it has been proven right on you.

"Mad"

Oooo oooo oooo
Oooo oooo ummm

She's staring at me, I'm sitting wondering what she's thinking
Ummm Nobody's talking, cause' talking just turns into screaming (Oooo)
And now yes I'm yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what's even worse, that we don't even remember why we're fighting

It's all for nothing (fighting for)
nothing, (crying for)
nothing, (oohh)

When we won't let it go for nothing, (come back for)
nothing,
it should be nothing
to a love like what we got oh baby

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed, mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)

Umm
and it gets me upset girl when you're constantly accusing
(asking questions like you already know)
hey we're fighting this war when both of us are losing
(this ain't the way that love is supposed to go, what happened to working it out?)
We fall into this place where you ain't backing down, and I ain't backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?

It's all for nothing (fighting for)
nothing, (crying for)
nothing... (oohh)

When we won't let it go for nothing,
nothing,
it should be nothing
to a love like what we got oh baby

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)

Oh baby this love ain't gone be perfect, (perfect perfect oh no)
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight long as everything is alright between us before we go to sleep...

Baby we're gonna be...

Yah.... Baby....

ohhhh....ohhhh

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo, nooo, noo)

8 april 2009;

i finally got the first qwerty phone in my whole holy almost 23 years of life!
okay, the contacts are screwed and thank god i do remember certain numbers..
hee.



meeting a new bunch of bitchers tomorrow!
and one of them seriously do irriates me so much that i feel like skinning him alive for good.



LOL.
shakes head.




long weekend and happy birthday to me!!!! (soon)
i miss a few.

i am back, late but better than never.
last night someone sent me an email, i replied.
obvious enough, that someone could not accept what i said about the friend part.
all in all, i have said all i needed and wanted to.
the rest is up to you.
but do remember that if ever a day i really wish to cut off contact with you, please note that this is the only alternative that is best for us..





when i needed a friend, the friend is there.
when the friend needs me, i hope to be there.
give and take.
i do not give overly; neither do i take in too much.
for friends who like me and i have no feelings for them, it'll be better for us NOT to be friends coz i don't wish to make use of that friendly unknowingly or knowingly.
ALSO, i have no wish to add on another sin onto my list of existing sins, afterall, i AM already a grave sinner.

topic of the day;


a friend with no strings attached, would you?
how do you view this question?


as tommorrow i will be having dinner with b, i might be blogging about it if i am online.

okay, mama is in hospital.
and for some reasons... i thought that she's working in ICA.
till today i got screwed.
work has been quite.. okay, very hectic.
but overall.
time flies.





happy birthday to me soon!
zzz..

BP paper was..
okay, put it simply.
GOD BLESS ME.

last night someone made me quite mad.
then again, i guessed that it was me who thinks too much..
i thought that the someone would get hurt by what i said.
seriously..
let things remain like that.




IF everything must be said out and then you'll stop your nonsense.
then i am afraid that i might seriously have to say it out.
my gf dont even draw on my hand when she is bored.
not to mention, any of my ex.
if such a simple thing and yet i have to say it out.
be it you are a person that will only stop your nonsense only after others have opened their mouths..
okay, i seriously got nothing to say.




for me, my words are irritating.
but i will not stop IF they deserved to be what i have described about them.
perhaps you won't get it now.
neither will you get it in future.
all in all.
whatever tiny little interest or what.
everything stops here and then.
as a friend or not.
the incident kept replaying on my mind.
EVEN MY FRIEND DO NOT DO THAT TO ME.





put it this way, we just have different moral values.
it is something like..
you are making use of someone just because that someone likes you. to me i seriously think that you're shit.
you only hang around with better people to show that you're better.
you do not hang out with stupid people to make yourself shine.
in this case, even if you are out with another group of BETTER people.
it will never make you shine.




kinda disappointing. for your age, your mentality doesn't fit.
remember why you kept asking me why you are single?
given your qualities, you can seriously get any girls you want.
but i've forgotten to add on that.
those girls will never last long with you.
you have the ability to make people stray from their partners..
at the same time, make your own gf stray away from you.
obviously, if your partner truly knows what she wants and she is not some type of shit as you.
hur...




above are just my seriously humble opinion.




three years back i had a friend who behaved like you.
this is not cute. this is crap.
three years later, i do not need someone who is like her and add more colours into my life.
after all, my life has been colourful before and is still colourful now, it's just another type of colour that i've been searching for.
for my age, i have found it.
lastly..
you won't ever be a threat to my partner and relationship anymore.






after all been said and done.
i won't be responsible towards you anymore.
put it crudely..
IF you see a need to disturb/flirt and be overly nice..
no one will be responsible if you get played out.

HELLO.
yes.. no doubt. i'm still awake.
it's gonna be the time that i wake up soon.
for the next few days it will be the time i go to bed.
I REALLY HATE EXAMS.



i met someone today.
i thought that it'll be better if i didn't meet her.
i guess that it's for the better.
she's just ain't my cup of tea.
i still prefer my cup of coffee.



i'm withering..
i am going to smoke (again)!

i browsed through my previous private blog. okay, i do type alot.
those were the phrases that described how i felt back then, when shit happens and all.
for some reasons, mama fell into the endless cycle of her past and she couldn't sleep but halfway thru the msg, she didnt replied so i reckoned that she died off too.





my humble point of view, it's always humans nature to look back (and regret) the past. dwelling in it ain't gonna do you any good.
let those past be glamorous or not, IT IS ALL IN THE PAST.
if you find that you were dumb in the past and you only realised it now, seriously, you ain't that dumb.
if you find that certain stupid people ain't worthy of keeping and NOW or last year they were already off your list.. it shows that you're still savable.





ultimate stupidity is incurable. it's a fact and it's been proven.
that is why they have entry requirements for schools like university and even polytechnics.
for me, i am stupid in maths, no doubt, but when it comes to other aspect. i don't think that i am, coz i did not get myself into alot of troubles then and now.




so... be glad of your past.
perhaps we hold different definitions and objectives. lastly, the way we handle things are different. all in all, what's past is past, you shouldn't even be thinking about it.
you're smarter than (we know who), so please, do not give me that feeling that at that point of time of deciding, you should have seen what comes after.





after all, life is a bitch, that comes with a package of shit.
okay, that rhymes, though i didn't mean it.





an abrupt farewell, i'm going back to rape my books.

jusqu'à l'aube, je vais vous tenir serré et de ne jamais vous laisser aller.

i wonder who will i really say this to.


for work.. i really hate idiots who sing.
IT'S LIKE HELLO I AM SO BUSY HERE THEN YOU WANT TO SING WHAT SONGS?!
i wish that uncle can just bang himself against the wall.
oh oh.
he is blissfully married.......
but he has a Vietnamese mistress.
SERIOUSLY.. WTF IS WRONG WITH SUCH PEOPLE.



stupidité est incurable; la réalité fait mal.
i reckoned that is how fragile humans can be.

today was a super duper busy day at work for me.
not forgetting, it was nic's wifey's big day!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!




okay, work was seriously so hectic till.. let's skip this part.
i ended work at almost 7, i was so smart to leave my umbrella in office and i needed to get it back.. it rained after lunch on my way back and if i dont get it back, it'll stink big time seriously.



imagine that i'm going to be away for almost a week.
so went back to get my dumbo umbrella.
met parents and we headed out to get dad's specs.




hungry and tired..
want to kill people.
but i managed to rush home and caught the last episode of the stupid show.

if anyone watch pefect cut 2..
seriously, kelly is a slut.
-.-''
if that guy wishes to give out his unfinished love..
IS IT A MUST TO TAKE IT?
god, such women deserved to be fcked till the end of the world by many guys.
perhaps by a guy who is AIDS positive.




SOMEONE, PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME.
you may say that it is just a show.
APPARENTLY, REALITY HURTS, IN THIS WORLD, YOU KNOW, WHOLE WIDE WORLD, THERE ARE JUST SUCH PEOPLE.




omfg.
can't blame me for being so.....
okay, forget it.

getting lazier to blog...
here's a recap:


a week back, i met up with mama, kinky boy decided to abandon us for another guy.. tsk. unexpectedly, he was free much earlier. i think that mama was deprived of sleep, we met for lunch, after which, she went home to rest. the day before i met mama, i bought crystal bracelet and a crystal pendant for b and myself.



weekdays = work = tiring



today, was out in town, almost spent 400 on a nylon material Burberry bag.
i wondered when can i seriously learn to be more thrifty.
okay.. exams coming.
seriously need to eat those papers again.
bless me.

to a friend of mine:

perhaps you might not even get to see this.
but i just want to tell you this.
be strong, don't let a wimp bring you down, for you deserve so much better than IT.
if you need to be back to who you are, be so, coz end of the day, you just need to be accountable to yourself.



this is something that i used to share with my bitchers.
though they might be leading their own lives now and i had almost turned them to be players.
they were what others said to be:
majorly screwed.. but they know what they are doing.
they know of their worthiness.
lastly..
they are accountable to themselves.



lastly, be happy.
perhaps it might sound selfish to others, but as my friend, i hope for the best of you. if i have to choose for either one to be hurt, i would rather it be the one who is in the game with you.




life is full of shit.
don't be filled with it.
lastly.. i have said this many times before..
stupidity is incurable.



love,
xx

to err is human, to forgive divine.



it's sucha holy idiom.
apparently, it became a perfect idiom for idiots to abuse.



to err is human, but that doesnt give you a reason to err more.
this is going out to all those idiots who think that they are overly smart.
this is also going out to those fckers who think that they are god.



coz in my eyes, there is no human who can be god.
no matter how rich you are.. there will be a day whereby you will go home with the lord.
no offence to christians... but..



NO GOD, ONLY DOG IN MY LIFE.

okay, firstly, not much people can seriously really get on my nerves like that.
they are either overly-smart with overwhelming wits OR they do not even have the slightest and basic wits.
which is which, you decide.



i received a call on saturday afternoon, i missed it coz i was out, getting my food.
it was a call to ask me to meet.
from my vague memory, i recalled that perhaps out of 10 times, there were at least 5 times that i met that arse.



perhaps people might not know..
it has really been god know how long since i had family reunion with mama and kinky.
my side tons had happened and i was busy with work and school.
i know that they are busy too.
THAT IS WHY I GET EVEN MORE IRRITATED WHEN SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT SOMEONE CAN'T JOIN US LATER.




reason being:
let's call the either overly-smart or stupid friend A.
A knows this guy for a year but they have never meet. according to A, that guy owes A both present and movie and he is always too busy to meet A.



SIMPLE AS THAT.
i text A kinda late last night, i was confirming the time with mama.
okay.. this is what i got back.
A has always been known for being an emo kid.
no one could tell me about it, not even A him/herself.
i am NOT gonna disclose who A is.
it should be a piece of shit for people who know to guess it.



i text A this:-


you best.. for a guy, for a present. then again, it's you, so i got nothing to say. enjoy yourself and get ditched again.


A replied:-


he is not my type.. tsk tsk.. pls.. if he is my type i long ago meet him already right? sigh.



A, i don't know if you'll be reading this.
but if you were, let me tell you this..
i cannot ASSUME THAT YOU DON'T LIKE THIS NEW GUY.
you use your brains and think about it.
how many zillion guys you have liked before?
which of them you always said that you are serious with them?




and you seriously resemble of the stupidest girl that i used to know.
among all idiots, you chose to resemble her.
WTF.
this is not a sad case.
THIS IS DEFINITELY A HOPELESS CASE.

for many reasons.. i just cannot find a reason for human to be so stupid.
seriously.. i believe in human rights.
that includes blogging whatever the owner feels like.
as long as it ain't political or offends the government.



as long as no name is stated, it is not really aiming at that particular someone, unless that particular someone thinks that it's that person.



hmm..
okay, i'm trying to talk to myself nicely..
and mama was using her colourful adjectives nicely on the phone.
then again, there is only one such type of person that deserves her colourful adjectives.



needless to say, everyone knows who that person is.
tsk.
sad case.

to cousin, his wifey, AV and prince of VANITY,



i'm so sorry about the delay to link the great blogs of yours, know me for me, i'm just.. too lazy.. (mainly) and i'm very much busy with my new job and lastly, i'm contemplating if i should register a business under my name.



too much research for me to do.
family + gf + studies and now.. + a lot more things to do.




and yes kinky boy, i'm sorry for not being able to meet you and mama as well.
TGIF!
it's friday and i'll be having night classes later.
HOW NICE YEAH?

mama told me that the game is on.
sit back and relax.

till the break of dawn;
to me, ego trip is a trip of my ego taken alone.
it is being nonchalant and oblivious to everything surrounding me.
years back, i made this decision to try it once.
somewhat i got used to it. it moulded me into someone that i would not want to be.
years later, i blended back into the humane environment..
but it seriously do hurt.
especially when i got into troubles that i can't solve.



back then, there wasn't any problem that i couldn't solve.
i mean..
being me for me.
yours ever truly trouble getter;
i always get into other people troubles.
one prominent one is the ever oh so classic "friend" who is a mother of a child now.
if you get it, you get it.. if you don't. be glad.
for that few years, my life was on a highway.
it was a highway to hell.



2006-2007 first half of the year, my work was on a highway to hell.
busy, hectic, busy hectic.
second half, i was busy looking for a comfort zone.



i failed terribly.
floated.
floated.
floated.
floated.




now.. i am not lost.
but neither am i very happy.
perhaps once the feeling is lost, it can never be recovered.
it is just like love....
but love is different. if it is really love, it should not fade in the first place.
even if alot had happened, the love will still be there..





love is.. when i do not need to take an ego trip ever again.

too intense to verbalise.
someone please tell me about it.

well trouble strikes.
it comes as a whole.
sometimes they are just too much to take..

hello. text or call me soon.
we need to meet.
:)

i dont hate my work for now.. which is quite a big improvement.
however, there is still room for it.
i hate the people there.
especially that bitch, she's fcking political.




bitch, if i were to play.
it'll be MY game.
knowing me for me.
;)
try me.

fcking shit.
it's gonna be friday, finally!!!
work has been so hectic, whenever after i bathed, i have to pop in two pills.
zzz.

hey toytoy.
i wonder if you're reading this.
but please continue to help me feed this poor dying birdy.
and yes i miss you!!

my monday night.. after meeting my dearest kinky boy..




mama, as promised.
LOL.

overall i had a quite tiring weekend.
work is shit as usual.
any idea how much i really hate my job now?
if it ain't for the sake of money, man, i would have fcked the shit outta those motherfckas.
pcb.



SIGH.
life is a mofo bitch.
i really had enough of it.
this year, i don't expect much, but neither do i expect it to kick my arse.
ARGH.



let me die in peace.
but before that, let me die with glory.

it is sickening and yet amazing how things can changed overnight.
well, provided if the changes are good.
if they are bad..
apparently, they kill.
perhaps in my case, not for the one who is directly involved..
but the one who is involved with the parties.
if you get it, good for you.
if you don't.. too bad.



sorry to those friends whom i currently cannot afford to meet up.
coz things aren't in control yet.
i'm still trying my best to digest the fact.
it's a lifetime nightmare afterall we are talking about here.



and to you:

i love you through and through.
we'll go through this nightmare together..

i got no mood to blog.
not anymore.
too much things happened within such a short time.
give me some time to accept.

dearest Mama and Kinky boy



hereby wishing the both of you a VERY HAPPY PROSPEROUS CNY!
omfg. i will miss the nonsense from kinky boy and mama..
HAHAHAHAA.
miss me too and please don't kill me.
much love...


xoxo,
dotter

i am officially smitten over this sissy.
LOL.

CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY IS HE SO HOT.


Name: 이준기 / Lee Jun Ki (Gi) / Lee Joon Ki (Gi)
Profession: Actor, model and singer
Birthdate: 1982-Apr-17
Birthplace: Busan, South Korea
Height: 178cm
Weight: 66kg
Star sign: Aries
Blood type: B
Family: Younger sister
Talent agency: Mentor Entertainment
Education: Seoul Arts University (Acting major)
Hobbies: Martial arts (Tae Kwon Do 3rd degree, Hapkido 1st degree and Taekkyeon 1st degree) and watching movies
Languages: Korean, Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, and English
Debut: Model for clothing brand “So Basic” (2001)


TV Series

Iljimae (SBS, 2008)
Time Between Dog and Wolf (MBC, 2007)
101st Proposal (SBS, 2006, cameo)
My Girl (SBS, 2005)
Drama City, Ep. 234 “What Should I Do?” (KBS, 2004)
Star’s Echo (MBC/Fuji TV, 2004)
Nonstop 4 (MBC, 2003, guest)

Movies

Virgin Snow (2007 - Korea/Japan Co-production)
May 18 / Splendid Holiday (2007)
Fly Daddy Fly (2006)
The King and the Clown (2005)
Flying Boys (2004)
The Hotel Venus (2004 - Japan production)

Endorsements

Longliqi Shampoo
Pepsi
Spris
Giordano
Samsung Anycall
Vonin (Men’s Cosmetics)
Pomegranate
Lacvert Cosmetics
I-Audio
KFC Go-go
Su An Su (수앤수)
Kleenex
Chungkang College of Cultural Industries
So-Basic

Awards

2007 MBC Drama Awards: Excellence Acting Award for Time Between Dog and Wolf
2007 China Fashion Awards: South Korean Artist of the Year
27th Hawaii International Film Festival: Rising Star Award (2007)
10th Annual Shanghai International Film Festival: Overseas Star Award (2007)
2007 Andre Kim’s New and Superior Star Award
43rd Baeksang Art Awards: Popularity Award (2007)
27th Blue Dragon Film Awards: Best On-Screen Couple Award (with Gam Woo Seong) for “The King and the Clown” (2006)
27th Blue Dragon Film Awards: Popularity Award (with Kang Sung Yeon) for “The King and the Clown” (2006)
2006 MNET MKMF Awards: Music Video Award (”Grace Lee Soo Young”)
5th Korea Film Awards Best New Actor Award for The King and the Clown (2006)
43rd Daejong Film Festival: Most Popular Actor Overseas (2006)
43rd Daejong Film Festival: Most Popular Actor (2006)
43rd Daejong Film Festival: Best New Actor (2006)
42nd Baeksang Art Awards: Best Male Newcomer (2006)
42nd Baeksang Art Awards: Popularity Award (2006)
42nd Baeksang Art Awards: ‘In style’ Fashion Award (2006)
2006 Netizen’s Choice Awards: Best Male Newcomer
2006 Max Movie: Best Actor for “The King and the Clown”





last night was like the last episode of Iljimae.

OMFG. he's so hot till kinkyboy wanted to bang his bro in the show, and him as well.

i missed out certain episodes.

this is the second show about him..



this is the guy that kinkyboy likes.. LOL.
apparently he's much better looking in Iljimae...

his biodata:


Name: 박시후 / Park Shi Hoo
Real Name: 박평호 / Park Pyung Ho
Birthdate: 1978-Apr-03
Profession: Actor
Height: 182cm
Weight: 70kg
Star sign: Aquarius
Hobbies: Skin Scuba Diving, Health, Snowboarding


TV Series

Family’s Honor (SBS, 2008)
Iljimae (SBS, 2008)
How to Meet a Perfect Neighbor (SBS, 2007)
What Star Did You Come From (MBC, 2006)
Let’s Marry (MBC, 2005)
Delightful Girl Choon Hyang (KBS, 2005, cameo)

Trivia

He appeared in Gavy NJ’s MV “Happiness” and “그래도 살아가겠지”.
He appeared in Alex and Ji Sun’s MV “I love you” and “Very Heartbreaking Words”.

okay, you can see that he's older!
i still like my Iljimae!!

MY GIRL - 2005

the main actor in MY GIRL.

Name: 이동욱 / Lee Dong-wook
Profession: Actor
Date of birth: November 6, 1981
Height: 185cm
Weight: 78kg
Blood type: B
Education: Saejung University


TV Series

Bittersweet Life (MBC, 2008)
My Girl (SBS, 2005)
Hanoi Bride (SBS, 2005)
Precious Family (KBS2, 2004)
Island Village Teacher (SBS, 2004)
Wooden Horse Carousel (MBC, 2003)
Alcohol Land (SBS, 2003)
Loving You (KBS, 2002)
Live The Right Way (SBS, 2002)
Let’s Go (SBS, 2002)
Drama City “천국보다 기쁜 (Happier than Heaven)” (KBS, 2001)
A Dreaming Family (KBS, 2001)
Pure Heart (KBS, 2001)
School 3 (KBS1, 2000)
School 2

Movies

The Man Book 198 Pieces (2007)
The Perfect Couple (2007)
Arang (2006)



now, kinkyboy tell me, which guy is more capable of making people melt?
iljimae's bro or my girl's main actor?


I love Lee Joon Ki!! AHH!!

yesterday was Shokudo Japanese Pasta & Pizza for lunch with the managers..
today is Lerk Thai with 3 girls..
tomorrow is what? no idea what Elaine feels like having..
this week has been having good food.
thursday is my long awaited Ma Maison, with my own manager and senior.
omfg.
friday is with Elton!
this cny i need to cut down on my intake of food!
(which i bet that there won't be much good food at the place that i'm going to stay next week !@#$%^&)
time flies, it's already Tuesday.
faster be friday..
i'm so anxious to start my new job..

I AM SO MOFO SLEEPY!!

my 22nd birthday was spent with this bunch of sweeties..




drinking.. at PLAY.




hehe mama looks so mama here..




kinky and i at play!






I REALLY MISS THOSE DAYS. WHEN WE WERE SKINNER!!
those were the days..









ending off with a very cute pic of b (and i).

hehe.

okay, this is when i was still kinda boyish.

i know that i have the unisex face.. hahaha, dated 2004.

i miss this girl.

me and b.

my favourite bitchy mama.

lastly, it's the one and only.. kinky boy!

taken when we were all skinner.

muahahahha.

okay, what a busy weekend i had.
i painted my nails! after sparing them for a few months.
met kane in town with gf and lunch was at Crystal Jade.
i like the noodles except that it was kinda hard..
then i super love the roast duck!
okay, then gf went to far east to get her shoes.



and me.. feeling lazy and sleepy throughout the day.
yawns..
following which we went to get the bak gua and bought tons of junk food in chinatown.
i overslept today, coz i forgot that there's work today!
!@#$%^&*
okay, i worship myself.
cabbed to work, on the way, i swear that i saw someone that look like ct.
omfg.
zzz.
she was looking at me too.
!@#$%^&*
bitch. okay, counting down to my last day!
this month's pay will be like shit!
i am so looking to next month!


pictures up soon, hopefully..
i'm way too lazy.. HAHAHA.

i did a very brave thing today.
sleeping in class.
left class at 8.15pm.
went home for dinner and my show.
hahaha.
i didn't waste my friday afterall!

outta sudden, you came into my mind.
i got annoyed, coz i didn't expect that to happen.
my thoughts were with you for the past five minutes.
we will survive.
:)

met kinky boy for lunch yesterday, he was so sweet to come down and meet me coz he overslept the day before (the actual day he was supposed to go lunch with me) and we had yong toufu and bubble tea for lunch.
then he went to his friend's condo to swim and met me again, after my work, at chinatown.



i was supposed to meet Elsie..
we had tang yuan! (only kinky and i)
then Elsie and i went shopping! we bought nuts then today Elsie told me that we have bought the wrong kind. =/
HAHAHA.




okay, today is Friday and i am having class tonight.
zzz..

i am hungry, yet again!

recently, i am kinda depressed.
the stupid stomach flu is getting me.. making me lose my appetite and mood.
:( i get emotional more easily than how i was like years back.
wtf is happening to me!
then i've been reading those blogs.. of cancer patients.
i think that i can cry my lungs out.



on a lighter tone.
i slept for a few hours at work today!
this is seriously how bored i can get at work.
looking forward to a new life in feb.
on the other hand.
not really looking forward.
I DON'T KNOW?




i'm meeting Elsie later to go pasar malam.

i just don't get it why one can repeat so many times.
it's funny when you repeat it once.
it's just PURE ANNOYING if you do it the second or third time.
WHY?
coz you're repeating, especially if that thing you're repeating is actually offensive.
okay, you don't get it?
NOW YOU DO.





fcking cb.

basically..
as long as i show my face in office, no one really cares if i doze off/surf net in office.
this is how fcked up my work can be as of now.
kinky boy is going for interview at 3pm later.
tons of luck kinky!




mama is on course..
emily is busy with her work.
WHEN IS MY TURN?
:(




the irritation in office is getting me, seriously..
i'm like searching for jobs (when i already secured a new one) and rot my days away.
exams on 26 march 2009.
PERIOD.

:S when life gets too boring.
there are many nonsensical things that one might do.


including irritation in office.
:(
i need to get a life..

so sunday was spent freezing and rotting at home.
was out at chinatown for awhile.
it's cold when i took off the jacket..
it's hot when i put it on.
WTF.



supposed to meet mama but ended up with diarrhoea.
shit.



stupid sunday.
i'm lazy to blog..
i'm lazy to work.
i'm even lazy to go shop.




and oh yes, i don't fancy my ex classmates.
there's this particular girl.
when we were 16, she was like that.
NOW SHE IS STILL LIKE THAT.
JUST WTF IS WRONG WITH HER?!




mom kept telling me "heaven got eyes.."
so where exactly is heaven's eyes at?
someone tell me about it.

are human bonds that vulnerable?
it's like when they need you.. they tell you that you are the world.
when they dont need you.. they treat you like you are from the netherworld.
2005, i wrote this on a piece of paper, slipped it inside my old wallet..



"there are 3 things that i can never ever master.
1. chinese songs
2. mathematics
3. human relationships"



just as i thought that i could break the curse of item (3), things screwed up very badly.
i mentioned before that i hate players who play around.
i don't wish to lead the lifestyle that i used to lead.
like the song by Garbage, it's called Androgyny.
one of the verse goes something like that..
"why can't we just get along..."


part of the lyrics:

When everything is going wrong
And you can't see the point in going on
Nothing in life is set in stone
There's nothing that can't be turned around

Nobody wants to be alone
Everybody wants to love someone
Out of the tree go pick a plum
Why can't we all just get along?


tell me why will you?

5th Jan and 6th Jan

down with high fever.
wobbly legs, aching body..
how unlucky can i get?

out of my vision,
out of my league.
this game is mine to win.




i'm feeling like a mofo bitch now.
as always.

i spent my last few minutes of 2008 with b whilst crossing the road with gf.
-_-
before that, met up with kinky and mama.
lunch at Soup Spoon, rotted, walked, smoked, talked.
lastly.. WE WAITED FOR ALMOST AN HOUR FOR THIS IDIOT AND HER GF.
how annoying.
kinky was having the whirlpools, tornados and waterwaves kept taking turns to mess up his stomachs.




got home real late coz of that idiot.
bathed... went down to find b.
the moment i reached..
she asked me to help her do stuff.
as i wasn't wearing my specs, it actually made my eyesight blurred and i got stupidly highly annoyed by the blurring vision as well as the task she got me to help with. she continued giving me a totally fcked up face.
till the time she was released from work..
headed to TBP for supper..
then spent the last few minutes of 2008 with her, crossing the road back to my residential area.






and today's the second of January, which means.. it is exactly a week to school!
argh..



period.